That
day, I was glad that my dorm room did not have any manner of
scientific apparatus to remind me of the situation I was in, and that
it did
have
my dear roommate. Sitting on my
bunk,
as usual. Which was fair enough, this day, because I didn’t want to
cry in bed alone.
“Here,”
said Ruth, plunking a box of tissues down in my lap. “Clean
yourself up, and then explain to me why the hell you’re still
working at the Morrow lab.”
I
blew my nose. “I thought I told you a dozen times. Work-study so I
can live here. Not like I can go home to my parents.”
“Rani…”
“What?”
Ruth
sighed. “Are you sure
the
university isn’t going to offer you the same compensation at any
other work-study job?”
“I’m
getting what I’m getting because it’s a dangerous job,” I said.
“Like working on an oil rig. It’s about attracting someone,
anyone, who’s willing to brave the task. So if there was a similar
position elsewhere, it would be equally dangerous.”
“At
this point,” said Ruth, “you’ve suffered a workplace injury due
to the director’s flagrant negligence. The university ought to be
giving you free tuition and everything without making you work at
all. There’s got to be some kind of legal precedent for this. I bet
I can find it in the law library.”
“You
and your legal precedent,” I said.
“Part
of the job I’m signing up for,” said Ruth. “After what happened
with the Hoover Dam, there’s as much of a legal mess as there is a
political one. The inheritance claims alone are utterly backlogged,
and there are many lawsuits to serve on behalf of those who were
flagrantly wronged in the resulting chaos. Many languishing in jail
for the actions they took to survive. If I want to help people with
all that –”
“All
that?”
I said. “You want to serve lawsuits, argue inheritance claims, and
be
a defense lawyer for the sorts of people who can’t pay you much.”
“And,”
said
Ruth, “I want to make it very clear to everyone who used Emergency
Powers as an excuse to seize political control that they don’t get
to ignore hundreds of years of legal precedent for the sake of
politics.”
“Aren’t
you just the most noble little legal mind ever.”
Ruth
flipped her hair back. “That is the general idea.”
“Look,”
I said, “if this is the kind of university that lets its science
lab create a giant, nearly-uncontrollable bird, they’re not going
to give a rat’s ass about my work safety. I bet Professor Windsor
has gone through a dozen grad assistants by now –”
“Hang
on,” said Ruth. “Giant bird?”
I
described my encounter earlier that day. I expected Ruth to become
apoplectic. Instead she looked as eager as the Professor. “Oh no,”
I groaned. “Not you too.”
“It’s
a scientific marvel,” said Ruth. “An incredible legal and
insurance liability, of course, but to create a land creature of any
sort that could possibly be bigger than an elephant…Professor
Windsor must be doing some strange things with science indeed. Now
I’m torn. I want to see this thing.”
“I’ll
take some photos,” I said.
“As
for your condition,” said Ruth, “assuming the lab doesn’t have
an antidote, we’re going to need to ask Artemis.”
I
pursed my lips, trying to keep myself from blurting out the first
thing that came to mind. I am, after all, an absolute monotheist. Not
even a strict monotheist, but absolute.
If
someone tells me there are gods running around, they’re not
idolatrous, they’re just wrong.
There’s
only the one
God,
thank Heaven. So to have someone suggest that I go and visit one of
the Twelve Olympians is like telling a frog that it ought to become
an astronaut and visit Mars.
“I
know what you’re going to say –”
“The
entire notion is decidedly unscientific,” I said. “And also
completely insane.”
“I
thought you were going to go off about blasphemy again.”
I
gave Ruth a look. “Do I have to?”
Ruth
rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to call Artemis a god if you
don’t want. You can just call her a djinn. Or an angel. Or a Great
Spirit. Or a clever pretender. Whatever you wish. But if she just so
happens
to
come down from the moon when you call, and she just so happens
to
be able to command all the animals of the forest –”
“Okay
okay,” I said, tossing the box of tissues onto the desk. “I’ll
call her a loon, then.”
“That’s
the spirit! Now, we need to set up the moonlight ritual –”
“I
didn’t need one last time.”
“You
were being chased by a bear,” said Ruth. “Emergency
circumstances.”
I
held up my left wrist. “This is also an emergency.” I squawked
for good measure.
“But
not immediate peril,” said Ruth. “Now, we’re going to need a
lamb…”
…
We
stood in the middle of the campus forest, in a moonlight clearing.
Sans lamb.
“I
can’t believe you wanted to skip the ritual,” said Ruth. She
crossed her arms and pouted.
“You
wanted an absolute monotheist to do a pagan ritual,” I said, as I
spread my prayer rug on the grass. “If I wasn’t into you I’d be
super offended.”
“So
what, you’re just going to…pray to a pagan god?”
“Nope,”
I said. I sat upon the rug and looked up at the moon. “I bow to
nobody. Alright, moony loon, get down here. I want to admit I lied to
you.”
There
was a sharp rustle in the bushes, startling me. A woman walked out of
it – young, tall, fresh-faced, lovely of limb, clad in furs, with a
bow slung across her back. “Ah,” said Artemis. “Dear girl of
mine –”
“Nope.”
Artemis
looked puzzled. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“I
mean that was the lie,” I said. “Not a girl after all. Terribly
sorry.”
Artemis’
fair face twisted in a scowl.
“You
should not have said that to her face,” said Ruth, as she stepped
in front of me. “Now she’s going to turn you into a bear.”
“I’m
turning into a bird already,” I said. “Maybe a bear would be an
improvement.”
“True,”
said Ruth. “You would be fuzzy-wuzzy. I could cuddle you all day.”
“We’d
both have classes to attend, though.”
“Excuse
me!” said Artemis. “Are you two cracking wise in the face of your
terrible transgression? You lied to me! You’ve been a boy
this
whole time!”
“Whoa,”
said Ruth. “I had no idea Artemis was a Radical Feminist. Yikes.”
“How
marvelously convenient,” I said, “that I am not a boy either.”
Artemis
had been stringing her bow, but she froze. “Eh?”
“Come
on,” said Ruth. “You’ve been around long enough, Artemis. You
can’t have not seen that at least once or twice.”
Artemis
continued to string her bow.
“Jeez,”
I said. “No mercy for the genderless either. She really is a
Radical Feminist.”
Artemis
stood straight and proud, holding her strung bow in hand. “I aim to
punish you because you lied to me. You lied to a –”
“Do
not
tell
me to call you a god,” I said, crossing my arms. “I will never
agree to that.”
Artemis
smirked. “Ah, monotheism. So straightforward, so principled, so
vexing. Be that as it may, you
lied to me.”
“Yeah?
A bear was chasing me. You want to know why I think you’re some
Radical Feminist? You wouldn’t even agree to save me unless I said
out loud that I was a girl. So I lied my ass off to get you to make a
move.”
“I
thought you were pulling my leg! I wasn’t going to help someone who
was making fun of me!”
“Regardless,”
I said, “I didn’t owe you honesty when I was in peril, and I feel
no shame for lying.”
“You
couldn’t have said anything after I got you out of there?”
“You
think I was in the right frame of mind to say anything at all? At
least I’m being honest now!”
Ruth
cleared her throat. “Keep in mind that under the Common Law, any
contract made under conditions of immediate peril is null and void.
We’re not dealing with an actual contract here, but the spirit of
the thing holds. I would not fault my friend for fibbing either, if
you were holding terms like that over their head while they were
fleeing a forest fiend.”
Artemis’
eye twitched. “I’ll drop the subject if you stop with that
annoying alliteration.”
“A
done deal,” said Ruth.
“And
it is true that my father has commanded my family to follow American
jurisprudence in our settlement here,” said Artemis. She rolled her
eyes.
“With
that aside,” said Ruth, “I have to ask – why is it that you’ve
only ever appeared to Rani? I’ve heard plenty of people on campus
invoke your name, I’ve done a moonlight ritual a few times –”
“Rani
is the only virgin on campus,” said Artemis.
Ruth
and I exchanged glances.
“So
you’re some kind of Traditionalist,” said Ruth, “in addition to
hating men?”
“I’m
someone who swore virginity a very long time ago,” said Artemis. “I
don’t like to talk to people who aren’t virgins, these days. It’s
a personal thing. Which I, of course, can get away with, because I
am
a –”
“Blah
blah blah,” I said. “Look at me, I’m lording it over everyone
like an un-American jerk. Can we get back on track? I’m turning
into a bird.” I squawked. “Can you change me back? We figured,
you know, if you’re good at changing people into
animals…”
“I
am good at that,” said Artemis. “I’m not
good
at forgetting insults. And you’re
not
very good at playing nice with the people you want help from.”
“Alright
alright,” I grumbled. “I’ll back off from that. Look, tell you
what, if you help me I’ll do you a favor.”
“You
sure you want to offer that?” muttered Ruth.
“Fair’s
fair,” I said. “What do you say, hunter lady?”
Artemis
peered at me. “Hmmmm. Well. The standard operating procedure in
such a case is for you to become a constellation.”
“No
thank you!” shouted Ruth and I in unison.
“I
could also just send you to Erebus for treating me with disrespect,”
said Artemis. “But…I am trying to be less of a jerk than I have
been.”
“Could
have fooled me,” I muttered.
Artemis
shot me a sharp glance. “In my younger days that remark would have
made me turn you into a deer in the middle of hunting season. But I
have grown old, and I have seen much. Slights that once seemed like
the whole world now seem small. So…if you are willing to help me
with a problem of mine, little fledgling, I can help you.”
“Oh
boy,” I said. “Am I going on a quest? Do I have to fetch a
fleece?”
“You
must investigate trouble,” said Artemis. “In all the valleys of
these mountains, and all across the plains, I hear strange words from
the birds. They are fearful of something. Something new, something
unsettling. Over and over again they give me the name – Doctor
Morrow, Doctor Morrow, Doctor Morrow. Who is this Doctor Morrow?
Where is he? Find him and stop him. That is what I need you to do.”
I
raised an eyebrow. “Did you miss the name written over the door of
the ornithology lab?”
“Not
all,” said Artemis. “Why exactly do you think I am speaking to
you in spite of your disrespect and your staunch monotheism? I came
to you because you,
little fledgling, have access to this lab, where I cannot enter
through closed doors and closed blinds. And Doctor Morrow has hurt
you. You have access and motivation. You’re a perfect assistant.”
“Oh
yeah?” I said. “Sounds like I’m negotiating from a position of
strength here.”
“Not
really,” said Artemis. “If I didn’t have you to be my perfect
little detective on the inside, I would just shoot anyone who steps
out of the building and hope I caught Doctor Morrow among the crowd.”
The
night suddenly felt colder. I was too stunned for words.
Ruth,
on the other hand, was not. “Excuse me? Excuse
me?
You
just told me Zeus himself has commanded you to follow American
jurisprudence, and you come out with pretensions towards mass murder?
Not to mention that mass punishment is a crime against humanity and
illegal by international law! And you pretend to be an investigator!
You could have the birds sit in a tree and listen for anyone to
address someone as Doctor Morrow! But no, you just go straight into
the bloodshed and hold that threat over the head of my beloved, which
terror is just as likely to foul the investigation as help it! You
haven’t changed at all!”
Artemis
had taken a step backwards. She regained her composure, and huffed.
“I am, as
I said,
attempting to improve my behavior. I don’t want
to
go in for the ham-fisted method.”
“Then
don’t!”
“If
I manage to apprehend this Doctor Morrow for you,” I said, “you
will remove my curse?”
“I’d
hardly call it a curse,” said Artemis. “But yes.”
“Shake
on it?”
“No
handshake deals for something this big,” said Ruth. She produced a
folded wad of paper and a pen from her pocket, and scrawled upon it.
Then she shoved it and the pen into Artemis’ hands. “Sign at the
bottom please.”
Artemis
scowled at the paper. “I did belatedly learn to read, but I can’t
make heads or tales of this.” She shoved it into my hands.
Through
Ruth’s nigh-illegible scrawl, I was able to make out terms like
“party of the first part” and “hereinafter” and “construe”.
I glanced up at Ruth, who was looking impatient. “I don’t know
how to read legalese.”
“It’s
just the terms you came up with,” said Ruth. “Translated to
proper contract language. I included no tricks. I swear it on the
river Styx.”
Thunder
rumbled from a clear night sky.
“Good
lord,” said Artemis. “You mean it. Give me that.” She snatched
the paper from my hands and took out a small hunting knife, pricked
her thumb, and touched it to the plate. The print she left there
shone like the moon.
Then
she handed the knife to me, prompting me to shake my head. “Come
on,” said Artemis. “It’s a magical contract. It has to be
signed in blood.”
I
glanced at the paper. “That ain’t blood.”
“It
is for magical purposes,” said Artemis.
“This
has been an extremely unscientific evening,” I said. “Fine. You
want magic? Keep in mind that I chose my own name. That carries magic
of its own.” I scribbled my name on the paper.
Thunder
rumbled once more.
“I’ll
be danged,” said Artemis. “You were right.”
The
contract thus signed, she nodded, and stepped backward into the
shadows. I blinked, and she was gone.
…
Safe
in our dormitory, I contemplated the contract on the desk. Artemis’
print still glowed.
As
did my name. Well, that settled it alright, something was sealed. By
what mechanism I could not understand, other than meaning and will.
As
for what mechanism animated Artemis – I had to admit, in that
moment, that Artemis was something. Not a god, of course, there was
only one of those, thank Heaven. But whatever she was, it only
resembled humanity.
I
shivered. It felt colder in here than normal. Maybe I could warm up
with Ruth.
I
shook my head. I wasn’t going to go that far with her until it was
unlikely to become an emotional disaster. Although – she did look
adorable, lying there with her blanket pulled up to her nose. It was
tempting to ask her if there was room for one more. I sighed.
Ruth’s
eyes opened and met mine. She smirked. “See anything you like?”
“Your
face.”
“Oh?
Prove it.” She moved up a bit, letting the blanket fall away from
her face. “Kiss me.”
“Fourth
time you’ve asked this month.” I moved to the bed and gave her a
peck on the lips.
Then
I realized which bunk she was in. “Hang on a damn second, Ruth. I’m
pretty sure you have your own bed.”
Ruth
grinned wickedly. “I was just warming it up for you, my sweet. And,
ah, hoping we could share?”
I
rolled my eyes. “You’re awfully brave tonight. First getting in
Artemis’ way, then getting in her face, now messing with me.” I
crossed my arms. “What if I decide to turn you into a bird?”
“I’d
rather be a bear,” said Ruth. “Then you could cuddle me all day.”
“Outside
of class?”
“In
class.”
I
smirked. “Tempting.”
“But
I would not claim bravery,” said Ruth. “I was being selfish. I
want to keep you around, you see. So that someday you will at last
agree to date me.”
I
almost scoffed at this. But Ruth looked utterly sincere. “You call
me your beloved,” I murmured. “I…can’t ignore that. I can’t
put it aside. Not now that you’ve said it out loud. Nor can I deny
that I admire you to an equal degree.”
Ruth
looked eager. “Well then?”
“If
we were not roommates,” I said, “I would accept your offer
in a heartbeat. But for now – for now, if we have a spat of any
sort…”
“We’re
stuck in the same room with each other,” said Ruth. “Can’t
exactly go sleep on the couch, can we? Not allowed to do that in the
common room. But we’re young. Can’t we be foolish?”
I
chirped. “There’s also the fact that I’m not exactly in a good
condition right now.”
“All
the more reason I need to stay by your side,” said Ruth. “And
hey, they pay you chicken feed for being a grad assistant anyway.”
“Buck
buck,” I said. “Tell you what. If we can wait to start dating
until we’re no longer roomies, I’ll give you as many kisses as
you ask for in the meantime.”
“Deal,”
said Ruth.
I
held silent for a moment.
“What?”
“I
half expected you to draw up a contract.”
Ruth
giggled. “I don’t need to worry about you breaking your word with
me.”
“Ah,
well. If you’re sure.”
“On
the other hand,” said Ruth, “if you really want
to
seal a deal like this…I know exactly how.”
“And
that would be…”
Ruth
gave me a Look.
“Ah,”
I said. “Brace yourself, then –”
But
Ruth did not wait for me to move, lunging forward before I could say
another word. She planted a kiss hard on my lips. I wrapped my arms
around her and returned the favor.
And
thus we sealed the deal quite thoroughly.