An alternative version I discovered on netnews several years ago:

Fourteen-inch dildos with straps of elastic,
Form-fitting underwear made of clear plastic,
Five-foot-four women with haircuts like boys,
These are a few of my favourite toys.

Warm sticky substances smeared on my belly,
Plastic containers filled with K-Y Jelly,
Women who can turn their tongues upside down,
These are a few of the best things I've found.

When the whip cracks, when the straps snap,
When I'm feeling glum,
I think of the wonderful games that I've played,
Let out a sigh, and come.

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