Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
That's right, folks, we've secured exclusive
rights to the FIGHT OF THE CENTURY!
In the red corner we have Mattress Giant, weighing
in at 425 lbs. and standing an impressive 7'5" tall. Ladies, hold onto your hats, because you know what they say about tall men! Rumor has it that this hulking behemoth is not only built like
a side of beef, but he's also nimble as a squirrel all hopped up on goofballs!
His drunken kung-fu style should prove a formidable match for the somewhat smaller,
but more experienced Mr. Clean, whose undefeated record gives him the clear
psychological advantage. Matt's rocket-like ascent through the ranks, though,
should give the champ pause and make him train doubly-hard before this, a fight
against a man that could be his doppelganger, a match that will prove to be
the donnybrook to end all donnybrooks.
And in the blue corner we have the undispa-yu-ted champeen of the world, Mister Clean! At weigh-in he came
in at a beefy 337 lbs. and towered over the referees at 6'11" of lemony-fresh
man-flesh. Clean got his start fighting while in the US Navy, aboard the USS
Procter and Gamble; incedentally, that's also where he got his enormous hoop earring and his fondness for anilingus. Although Mister Clean is
considerably smaller than his gargantuan opponent, make no mistake, the sheer size
of his upper-body is testament to his bone-crushing brutality. What's more, years
of cleaning kitchens across America has given Clean plenty of time to perfect the
moves he'll need to mop the floor with his opponents.
Mr. Clean is only a 2:1 favorite in this match; lots of people are giving
the kid the respect he deserves. Both men have a friendly
demeanor, and Mattress Giant is renowned for making all the ladies swoon, but when
it comes to fighting, they're not afraid to flood the ring with a tidal wave of
shiny-headed mascot blood. It's sure to be a brutal, ten-round pier 6 brawl that
will make its mark in the annals of history as
the greatest fight between vaguely homoerotic bodybuilders of all time!
Remember, that's Sunday! Sunday!
If you miss this fight YOU'LL NEVER GET LAID AGAIN!