While delighting a crowd she purses her lips together and rolls her eyes toward the one person in the room who isn’t falling for it.

Sort of, Hey, I can see you. And you are right to question my charm. Perhaps after I have impressed the dorklings here that I have graced them with some kind of top-secret SPECIAL MOMENT on par with my over inflated persona, you and I could sneak off and laugh about something utterly charming. Then if you dare to like me I will become very snotty, allowing you the chance to pursue me in a manner I might one day declare the best chase (and catch) scene EVER.

How intoxicating! Although she never said so directly, that one eye roll was SO emotive. You found yourself wanting to roll around in the grass with her and laugh and laugh and never any kissing but just a lot of chili fries bought with change dug out of car seats and purse bottoms. Have ya mentioned how little you wanted to kiss her? OK, that’s a lie.

She was all about juxtaposition, one minute there you were under her great big smile beam, the next in the cold and in the dark and never in the know.

You depend on me too much.

She told you that once after the party, after two weeks had passed. And you had been rolling in the grass and laughing and laughing and still no kissing. You did not dare, partly because you thought you might blow up. Wake up. Fuck up.



Remember how she took her glasses off and said, eyes wide, lip kind of quivering. I want to make blind in love with you.

And of course all you could do was duck your head. Seek her nipple, and draw it in. She told how when you did that you closed your eyes and looked like an angel.

You recall her warm and alive skin, cheekbone shadows and lips with sighs escaping. Her neck smelled of fresh cut grass, spiced muffins and tangerines. You held her happy giggle like some kind of wedding dove. You remember other things too, but not the words for them. You are already mad because you are not getting it right and the real pain is in the good parts.



At a party months later you watched her give her focus to the next non-believer. Hours after the first emotive eye roll, you heard them laughing on the lawn and came around a blurry corner just in cruel time to catch fingertip grooves (hers) against fingertip grooves (his). You could tell by her silence she had already made that super sexy psychic connection. Stood watching the hook as well as the reeling.

You were not bitter, just a wry chuckle, then a real laugh, then a stone rolling off.

You knew precisely what he was in for.

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