Lamp Commander is a plug-in voice controlled dimmer switch with immense entertainment value. It lets you turn lamps on, off, and control two dim settings. It used voice recognition technology to understand the commands given to it. Unfortunately, this technology is not too discriminative. I have spent the past twenty minutes trying different commands that are unrelated to light levels, just to see if the hailed Lamp Commander answers. These are some of my favorites:

note: It is necessary to structure each direction following the “Lamp Commander, lights ____!” format.

  • Lamp Commander, lots dad! (This turns the lights to the first dim setting)
  • Loser Commander, lights duck! (This turns the lights on for some reason)
  • Lark Commandeer, lights froth! (This turns the lights off, as would be expected)
  • Lamp Commander, kiss my ass! (This does nothing but cause extra beeping, but I am still trying different accents to elicit some sort of useful response)

Want your own Lamp Commander? Call their number at

1-800-919-3101

But first, I urge you to consider the Warnings and Cautions accompanying the unit:

I can guarantee boundless entertainment for you and your friends and family if you purchase this device. Enjoy.

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