There I was. 4am, sitting in my chair, thinking about my life and the decisions I've made to shape it. I've been an on-and-off drug addict since the age of 14. I suppose it's easy to get in such binds.

I tried it. I liked it. I did it a lot more. That's how I got in this jam. I sit in my chair, Chris sleeping next to me. I wonder what he wants to say. I wonder what my mom would say if she knew I was a druggie again. I wonder what is going to happen to me if I keep going this route.

Being a drug addict has gotten in the way of my work, my finances, my health and ultimately my life. Being a drug addict has made me unable to function without my daily fix. You've seen the commercials. "No one ever says 'I want to be a junkie when I grow up.'" "'This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?'" Partnership for a Drug-Free America do have quite a twisted agenda, but they have a point. You don't want to let drugs get in the way of your dreams. They'll just be another crutch to latch onto. They'll be just another tax on your already stress-ridden mind. They'll simply mess you up.

This drug has made me dependent, it's made my brain chemistry a mess, and it's helped my barely-adequate paychecks vanish. It makes my heart race. It gives me crushing headaches. I wake up in the morning with stomach cramps and a horrible taste in my mouth. I'm sick of it. I want to be free. I don't need another crutch. I'm sick of spending my days huddled with chemically dependent, drug-addled people whose entire existence would turn upside-down if they ever couldn't get the hookup.

The dealers don't care. They don't have to care. They simply give you their goods and move on to the next kill. They deliberately addict you and make sure that you don't stray. There could be any number of strange and toxic chemicals added to the batch. They don't have to tell you what exactly is in it, and they certainly won't fall to the insulting position of being held accountable for their preying on youth and adults alike. They can simply run and hide. They're in the schools and in the streets; they're simply everywhere.

I've got my life ahead of me. I'm incredibly fortunate to have a body and a mind that are even able to withstand this abuse. I want to be a DJ or a voice actor or a screenwriter or a singer. I don't want any drug holding me back from my potential, and certainly don't want to have to be rushed to the hospital one day; be it a heart attack or a tumor or a hemorrhage. I don't want a stroke, and I certainly don't want to spend my dying days on a hospital bed or hooked up to machines.

Looking back on what I just wrote, I think long and hard about what I just wrote, and if I really have the power and the courage to do it. It's going to be a long, hard road to recovery. It will be a rigorous process none less than torture. But I've made my decision.

I sit back in my chair and light a cigarette.

It's the last one I'll ever smoke.