Have you ever noticed that Jesus is portrayed on crucifixes as having very well defined muscles, and great muscle tone? I mean, Jesus is cut! I'm envious of the six pack abdominals one can pretty much expect to find on a Jesus figurine.

Given that so many representations of Jesus in this condition are on display in Catholic churches, and considering the views that the Catholic Church seem to take towards homosexuality, wouldn't it seem funny if many homosexual males had their earliest homosexual wet dreams about such a representation of Jesus? And there seems like great potential for some sort of Jesus porn.

If I believed in Hell, I'd end up burning there for saying the above...

One day, my friend Bob bought a Jesus Christ action figure from a local convenience store as a gas. It came with a little collector's card, which had a picture of "Jesus kicking ass at the Temple" or something to that effect.

Anyway, underneath Jesus's ascetic brown robe, he had what the kids call a "two pack," meaning extremely well-developed pectoral muscles. He also was wearing tighty whities.

We concluded that Jesus's real miracles were being able to bench-press his own weight, and anticipating Twentieth Century undergarment fashions.

To this day, I wonder who made that thing, and what the heck they were thinking.