Well, I haven't gotten a reply about the software reviewer job I interviewed for Tuesday; I should have heard something by now. The company owner was supposed to make a decision and call me yesterday evening. I called him this afternoon and left a message on his voice mail, but he didn't call me back. I'm incredibly depressed about this, and a hundred other things, though I do have other prospects to explore.

I am going to inundate the Worthington library with job applications, for instance. I've applied for work there before, with no result. Evidently, they consider me unsuitable for shelving books, despite my excellent eye-hand coordination, knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System, and reverence for literature. They don't know what they're missing. I can shelve with the best of them. So perhaps I just haven't been persistent enough in my applications to them. I will send them an application each week, until they either give me an interview or beg me to stop.

Late Update: Holy Cats, I Have A JOB!!!!

I just got a phone call from Wyatt. The software reviewer job is mine, and I start on Monday. After nearly 11 months of unemployment, I finally have a job! Whee!


And now for something completely different ...


Introduction: The following Onion-style news parody was just written by a friend of mine who goes under pseudonym Geo Stone; his normal gig is writing about suicide at http://suicidemethods.net/. He encourages anyone who enjoys it to pass it along with attribution to others who might enjoy it as well. I'll pass along any constructive feedback I get on this one.

Michigan, Idaho, Arkansas Declared "Domestic Axis of Evil"

President George W. Bush, in his State of the Union Message declared Michigan, Idaho, and Arkansas to be members of a "domestic axis of evil."

"Each of these states shelters terrorists who possess weapons of mass destruction, though not nearly as good as ours," the President stated. "The people who bombed Oklahoma City grew up in Michigan. They trained in Michigan. They acquired explosives in Michigan. They visited Idaho, a state where anti-government militias have been long known to stockpile weapons."

Bush further stated that "FBI agents and BATF inspectors have not received full cooperation from the Militias in tracking down those weapons caches, despite our best efforts at finding a peaceful solution, as at Ruby Ridge. Furthermore, each of these rogue states possesses nuclear power plants -- well, we're not quite sure about Arkansas, but satellite imagery shows some suspicious-looking sites -- and none of them has signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. What more evidence do you need?"

Arkansas was a last-minute substitute for Texas. Texas, though home of Waco's once-numerous Branch Davidians and in possession of substantial oil reserves, was removed from the list when the President learned that he had recently been Governor of the state.

Arkansas was "added for regional balance" a senior administration spokesman said. The fact that former President Clinton is from Arkansas had "absolutely, positively, no bearing on its selection" according to the spokesman, who cited national security as grounds for not specifying the reasons for Arkansas' inclusion. "You'll just have to trust us on that," he said.

Oregon was in contention for the third spot until the last moment. "We haven't forgotten them," the spokesman declared. "We will impose democracy on them in good time."

The President also warned the governors of the three States that he was imposing "no fly" zones over their upper and lower thirds as a precautionary measure. "We don't expect them to bomb their own people," the President said, "but desperate leaders, especially those not supported by a majority of their people, are dangerously unpredictable."

He also declared a full trade embargo on the three states, with exceptions only for humanitarian programs like "SUVs for Food" in Michigan.

"It's really worked great in Iraq," noted the administration spokesman. "We're sure it will do just as well here."

I know you don't really care, but I do.
Today Lucy was crying, because she wanted to be partnered with a girl. (they have to be in partners to cross the street). Usually, she'd be paired with her best friend Helena. There were four girls in the class, now there are three. Three is a crowd. Helena has moved back to China with her family.
So I am a girl, and I'm not Helena, but I offered to be Lucy's partner, and to hold her hand as she crossed the street. She accepted, but at the same time, started crying. No gradual buildup, just huge teardrops falling from her eyelashes, not even from her eyes, as she sobbed quietly and pressed her face against my pantleg.

The real teacher got mad at Lucy, and told her there was no reason to cry.

So we get back to the classroom, and Lucy is told to either stop crying or go to the naproom and sleep it off, which she does. Her tears can be heard through the door, and nobody seems to care. She cries herself to sleep, wakes up, comes out of the naproom, and when she sees me, runs to give me a big hug. Lucy and I are friends, after all.

She gets in trouble again, but later I notice that the real teacher is doing everything she can to comfort Lucy the way I seem to be able to.

After lunch, Lucy was happy again. Food makes everything better. And on my way out, she gave me another hug, looked up at me and said "A kiss!". I leaned down, and smacked a fake kiss on her cheek, and she reciprocated. I wonder where the fine line is between comforting a crying five-year-old and leaving yourself vulnerable to accusation of child abuse.

and its raining, and i discover gortex isn't waterproof, and cotton absorbs water like nothing else, and my teeth might all need to be root canaled, except for the ones that need pulling, and if you love this planet got quite a few people pissed at me for not finishing my research, and my sinuses ache, and there's a midterm tommorrow, and my roommate is insane, crazy, i'm afraid for her, and there's war everywhere, i'm prepared to chain myself to trees but not nuclear bombs, and, and, and....

qous!

Your cheddar cheese that you brought me will not go moldy!

(did you try?)

No.

But it has been in the fridge a long time.

It was very good, but I forgot it was in the crisper.

So I never got to eat it.

But when I look at it, it's not moldly!

The end.

I made a fatal mistake, sometime over the long and lazy days of winter break.

Somehow, in the midst of spending time with friends and my latest lover, I got used to being myself.

I knew it when they went quiet, when members of my mock trial team started edging away from me slowly, when I spoke and laughed from true happiness instead of in the polite manner that is expected of me.

I knew it when I found myself on the outside looking in, more than ever before, more than I could stand.

I got used to being myself, but it is not worth the price. When I go back there tonight, it will not be me that enters the room. It is not so hard to censor myself, to fall back into the old habits, the familiar patterns of speech, that are required of me.

And maybe if I draw the mask well enough, hide under J Crew clothing and Merle Norman makeup until there is nothing left of me, maybe the transgression will be forgiven.

Because it does no good to be myself if I cannot also be the person I need to be...

I kept on hearing my alarm clock everywhere I went today.

I walked into a room at work where there are many computers, and the fans seemed to interfere with each other at just the proper pitches and frequencies so as to imitate that horrible, blaring sound that is the only thing that seems able to motivate me out of bed at six in the morning (and some mornings even that doesn't work).

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