March 25, 2001
New York Times
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Nearly 32 years after Jack Kerouac died due to a lack of sex in St. Petersburg, Florida, the author's skull is to be auctioned off by Christie's in Manhattan next month.

Considered "the skull that defined a generation," Jack Kerouac's head was dug up from his grave in Lowell, Mass, by Anthony Q. Soulsucker, the 12th cousin of the 4th niece of the 16th brother of Jack's 12th wife. "Look, I've got a big bar tab here," said Mr. Soulsucker, who was reached for comment at his barstool in Purgatory, Mass. "We sold everything else. What was I supposed to do? Work? Not with Jack's skull sitting right there!"

Measuring 6" x 6" x 6" this is thought to be the skull that first coined the term "Beat Generation" and whose principal avatar it was. Seen for many years atop the author's body, the skull has not been shown in public since 1969. Believed to be a one-of-a-kind item, the Soulsucker family will be touring the skull at trade shows, tractor pulls and whore houses until they can, according to Mr. Soulsucker, "milk every drop of blood we can from dear old cousin Jack."

According to a senior Christie's pimp who spoke on the condition of
anonymity
, "Although we've never actually sold an author's skull before, we'd like to say several nice things about Jack Keeroack and pretend like we want it to go to a library (laughter), but aa, no seriously, but, a library, right?! (more laughter) Yeah, we'll sell it to a library! The library on the third floor of some palace in Japan." (more laughter until phone falls on floor).

Asked about the impending sale of other key Kerouac items, such as his hands, his heart, and his dewie, the Soulsuckers commented through their attorney, "It's not over till the fat man's sold."


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Gentlepeople:

Regarding the Time's article about the future auction of Jack Kerouac's skull through Christies. There must be some mistake. I have the original skull sitting in my den, having purchased it on Ebay just a few months ago.
The person who sold it to me, swears it's the original.

TomD



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Tom--
I was there when you ordered the
goddamn thing! You are the bonofide
owner of Jack's skull... unless of
course you got shafted at Skuls 'R'
Us
. Keep in touch. We'll get this
sorted out. Jack would want us to.
--Kesey

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I asked the guy I got it from where the certification was. He told me to look at the back of the skull. And sure enuff, in small letters, clearly stamped, is "Maid in Bang Cock" or was it "Bunged Crock in Made?" Whatever, it looks legit.

TomD



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The Jack Kerouac skull for auction is a conterfeit.
His skull was actually dug up shortly after he died and punted into heaven by Allen Ginsberg.
Oh and the prank continues. I know, where will this one lead?

Jay Roth



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Dear TomD,
I hate to burst your bubble but I think you may have been sold an old prop from a Shakespearean play. My head is intact and on my shoulders as I spend time on this out-island in the Caribbean with my friends Elvis and Jim Morrison.
G. Pasternak



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My respect to Jay Roth, but Allen only pretended to punt the skull. He actually slipped it in one of his multicolored GladBags and took it home with him, where he kept it under lock and key until the very last.

Rumor has it a Chinese special agent, codename "Rosa Carboni," retreived the skull last September, in some dusty basement in North Beach. The skull was then brought to Lowell, where the DNA was sampled and Jack's head reburied. Soulsucker's got the real skull. The Bang Cock versions are all over e-bay.

Allen made an inscription on the skull, but it's on the inside. The only way to read it would be to crack it open. Ferlinghetti insists Allen wrote: "Fortune Cookie." But Ferlinghetti is always making up stories.

D.

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D.: Regarding your email:

I feel so positive that I have the original, that late last night I broke off a corner of my "White Rabbit" blotter art, ate it, and promptly shrank down to about 2" in height. I then climbed up into the right eye socket ofthe skull, which I had the foresight to sit on the floor and put up a little tiny ladder. Once I "got inside his head" sure enouff, written in what appeared to be large letters at the time was the following: "Fortune Cookie? Fortune Cookie?, I don't need to show you no stinken Fortune Cookie."

Just goes to show that those Ebay people are always honest!

TomD

THUS ENDETH THE STORY. SAY NO MORE.

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This is a PARODY of the Kerouac Manuscript that was sold at Christies last week for 2 million + dollars... It is only a PARODY. Never trust a Prankster.

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