Indeed it was summer. Sitting under the apple tree, my feet loosely tangled in my sandals. I'm lying on the grass, the air around me damp and hot. Laziness on a Sunday afternoon. There's a sweet scent of something baking, maybe a pie.

Yeah it's summer. It's warm and humid and it's been a long time coming. But it's here. I can wear my shorts and skirts now.. lounge around in my underwear all day. Walk around in sandals or even barefoot. That's the beauty of it all. There's always something crazy about the temperature being as hot as your own body, but it's sure great.

Food...

Feeling hungry in summer is just about the best feeling ever. Especially when you know there's great food in store. With dessert.

I was right about that pie. Shane's mother made some blueberry pie.. mm.. and ice cream.

The sound of people assembling on the bench to eat was enough to wake me from my pretenseous sleep. It was sleep, but not quite. I was aware I was sleeping, and that's definitely being awake, in my opinion.

I yawn.

"Make some room, K" Ryan says. He assembles the food and everyone digs in. I sit next to K. She's so tiny and energetic, never sitting still. Stuffing her face with pancakes. Shane is sitting opposite to me. He's digging into his salad. He really likes salad.

Shane's mother forks some mashed potatoes onto my plate. I grab ladefuls of gravy and meatballs. I've been dying for some good meatballs recently. But my mind is on him.

So there we are. Me, Shane, Ryan, K and Shane's mom. All sharing lunch on sunday afternoon in their back yard. Shane's mind solely on something other than me.. his computer, maybe. K's on whatever kids think about. Shane worrying about everybody. And Ryan and me thinking about whether anyone can tell how nervous we are. I mean, Ryan and I. I'm on his mind constantly. And he's on mine.

But we've had years of learning of how to properly behave towards each other that we're both doing a pretty good job at not looking suspicious.

Later tonight I will have to be with Shane. I must look in his eyes and try not to show anything else than pure adoration for him. He's so insecure about himself. I can't deny that I allowed myself to be in the situation i was. Why would I do something like that?

I try to think of nicer things. Like my incredibly delicious meatballs.

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