I had a dream last night. In this dream my husband and I were no longer living together, yet I went to him for sex anyway. He agreed, but then said he wanted to do some things first. I watched as he went to the dresser to get a videotape. Seeing this, I thought he wanted to video our lovemaking. I silently agreed within myself to the proposition, thinking at least it would be about us, and it was important enough to him that he wanted something concrete to remember our love by.

As he got the video camera ready there was a knock on the door. He opened it, allowing entrance to two strong, burly men with more video equipment. Even though I was surprised, I realized I was willing to endure the humiliation of an audience even though I'm not into martymachlia, but I needed to feel desired again, to once again feel loved and wanted.

I continued to wait as more people showed up -- young couples reeking of animal magnetism. A red curtain was pulled aside as the men finished setting up and the young couples were made up, then dressed in various stages of undress. Beyond the curtain was a huge, bubbling hot tub, which now became center stage. I realized an orgy was about to begin.

I wonder what the meaning of the red curtain in the dream is? Could red represent anger? Or sexuality? Does the curtain represent something hidden? Or something that SHOULD be hidden? Or is it like the red curtain you used to see in theaters, one that when raised signaled the beginning of the show? Maybe, just maybe, there's a bit of truth to all of the above-mentioned suggestions.

I realized that I still did not care, because my husband (or ex-husband) would make love to me. I would finally have that satisfaction in the core of my being. That deep longing would again be fulfilled.

Music filled the room and couples began undulating, caressing, then groping each other passionately. A young, beautiful Grecian-looking temptress caught my husband's attention and gave him the come-hither look. He responded by practically jumping on her. And still I did not care, because whether it was by my husband or another younger, harder, hotter-looking man, I would have satisfaction tonight.

This is when I suddenly woke up. It was 3 a.m. It seemed that even in my dreams my desires were to be unfulfilled!

I got up and grabbed my special electronic toy out of its hidden cubby, but even a session with my man-substitute left me dissatisfied. I closed my eyes and brought myself back to the same scene, right where it left off. This time, just when my husband jumped on top of the young maiden, I felt a breath on my neck and then a hand on my waist. I turned to find the man embracing me was a slim Fabio-like god of a man with intelligent-looking eyes.

My husband stopped mid-attack to behold me with this man, opened his mouth as if to speak, but the Fabio/god/man interrupted him in an authoritative, deep-toned voice. It was his wife that my ex had pounced on, he said, but he should go on playing with her while he (Fabio) took care of the business of pleasing me as should have been done years ago.

At this point my memory of anything further is vague. Still, I woke up feeling satisfied in a way I haven't for years.

Today, a man stopped by my office. A man with broad shoulders, a white shirt straining to fit those shoulders, a conservative tie and long Fabio-like hair. I have seen and talked with him before. He is the paralegal for a local attorney, a very nice man who seems like a genuine soul. He stuck his hand out in the usual gesture of friendly professionalism. Instead, I pulled him forward in a full-on hug, one that was completely reciprocated.

I have many, many balls to juggle today, and yet I find myself sitting at my desk now with a goofy smile and a sense of utter peace within.

Here's to another night of sweet dreams, for myself and for you as well, my dear reader.

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