Apparently, this is our university newspaper's idea of a typical ecstasy user/raver. Thanks to this enlightening article, I think I have discovered my true calling in life. Because all people who use drugs in college end up dropping out to become drains on society.

I also found out some things that I didn't know before. Such as the fact that it can get cold at outdoor raves but these ravers don't notice because "he is miles away in his mind, flying high on ecstasy." Flying to the Caribbean no doubt, to get warm. Yep, doing ecstasy is like slipping on a warm, toasty coat. The transcendental dancing that I happen to be doing at the time has nothing to do with the increase in my body temperature.

And all pills at raves are laced with heroin and cocaine. If they're speedy it's coke, if they're smacky it's heroin. Yeah, because cocaine and heroin are dirt cheap and people mix that shit with their drugs all the time!

"'All pills are different--some with heroin, some with coke, Draino, or mescaline.'"

I also learned today that big pants are not just "trendy accessories, they are vital to prevent overheating, one of the side effects of the drug." Man, where I have been this whole time?

The real story to be learned from this article is that if some reporters from your school's paper happen to approach you at a party and ask to take your picture just say no! Or you could find a picture of your innocent ass playing with a ball right next to a huge headline proclaiming "Raving about Ecstasy." Don't say you weren't warned.

For even more fun misinformation and a picture of Kimonade looking all strung out (TRIPPING dammit, not rolling!), check out www.udk.com).

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