Many of our favorite recreational drugs come in the form of happy little baggies of powder. Now, I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to swallow most of these drugs, as they lose a great deal of potency when they have to go through your digestive tract. I also don't really want to inject them -- I fear hypodermic needles and the strength of addiction they bring. All that's left (well, besides the rather icky suppository route) is the subject of this writeup, sending those drugs right up your nose! A little bit of minimal equipment and preparation, and you will arrive quickly and gently in the land of the psychochemically enhanced.

Here's what you'll need:

  1. A cutting surface: This is what you will break the powder up on, and what will hold the lines before you snort them. They must thus be very hard (ie, not plastic), and made out of something that will contrast with the powder. Hand mirrors are a perennial favorite, but I find them to be too small and difficult not to spill off of. Glass or ceramic plates are good, but ceramic may chip and glass is easily broken. For a long while I used a clear glass door to an entertainment center, which was big and square and super easy to handle, but no fun to transport.

  2. A cutting implement: These are used to break up big lumps of material, including chopping up pressed pills if necessary. Lines are usually shaped with whatever you cut with too, but if you're really itching to use your grandfather's mortar and pestle, be my guest. Safety razor blades are wonderfully sharp, aesthetically pleasing to view and use, and are usually the best choice. In a pinch a credit card can work, using the flat side to smash the lumps and the edge to shape out the line. For goodness' sake don't use your driver's license -- handing a cop identification that's covered with white powder is generally considered a Bad Idea.

  3. A straw: This goes up one nostril, and chases the line as you inhale. A great choice for this would be (duh) a straw, cut with scissors to be three or four inches long. A rolled up dollar bill is a solid choice too, and you score extra pimp points if you use a rolled up hundred. I've seen people use a glass straw like the ones used to make crack pipes, but that's probably overkill, and runs the risk of broken glass in your nose, too.

Now that you have your gear, pour some of the substance in question on to your cutting surface, and chop it until it's as fine as you can possibly make it. Talcum powder consistency is what you're looking for, but some materials refuse to be chopped that finely, so a little thicker is okay. When it's all chopped up, shape it into lines that are roughly an eighth inch wide, and long enough to get off. Here's a rough guide, but strength varies by location and dealer, so don't be afraid to undershoot these lengths and work your way up to the "right" dosage.

Cocaine: Four inches, or longer if you're used to it. Snort off of a blonde hooker's ass for maximal white trash appeal.
Ecstasy: Five inches / one crushed pill, but since it's rather hard to OD on this you can go a bit more if desired.
Ephedrine: DO NOT SNORT EPHEDRINE. It is extremely painful, like snorting crushed glass or something. Be smart.
Ketamine: An inch to feel light and weird, three inches for disorientation, five inches for a very intense trip, and six inches to experience ego death.
Methamphetamine: Think in terms of bumps rather than lines, like the amount that will fit on the end of a car key. Meth is strong shit, and will kill you in a heartbeat if you do too much at once.
Opiates: Varies with type of opiate. Start with a usual oral dose, and go up from there if needed. I've heard that two or three inches of heroin is about right, but hurts like hell; regardless, you'd be best off not to even consider putting heroin in your system.

To snort, hold one nostril closed with your finger, and keep your mouth closed, or at least clench your teeth to keep from blowing on the line. Put the straw into your open nostril, and suck in through it while chasing the line with the straw. Be careful not to accidentally blow out of the straw -- this sounds like a stupid mistake, but is surprisingly easy to make. Once you are done with the line, pull back on your forehead right above the eye on the side of the face that you snorted on, and inhale sharply a few times. This disperses the chemical in your sinus cavity, for quicker absorption. Chase with a few drops of water pulled up the same nostril if it's handy, for better absorption. Finally, make sure your nose is clear of powder; wouldn't want all the random people in the other room to know what you've been doing...

Now just sit back, relax, and let the drug take hold. Depending on what it was either talk to people, or clean the house, or sit still and enjoy the ride. Unfortunately, about twenty minutes after you blow your line, backdrip will start flowing from your nasal cavity down your throat. This is a mixture of snot and drug, and regardless of which chemical you took it will taste revolting. Go get something strongly flavored to drink, or just try your best to ignore the taste.


user abject_hero sez (Oct 24, 2007): The user may encounter pills with coatings that make crushing more difficult and present nasty little flakes of said coating to pick out of the desired powdery product. One tried-and-true way to avoid the annoyance of these coatings, for instance with OxyContin and Ambien, is the lightly suck on the pill until a change in texture is felt. The change is generally from slippery-smooth to slightly grainy. STOP SUCKING NOW or the pill will get too soggy to crush nicely. Dry off the pill with a tissue or your shirt, or whatever is most convenient. Run the flame of a lighter over it a couple of times to make it fully dry.

Oh, the insulting softlinks -- still, I feel like adding some pointers for the more experimental noders.


In regard to crushing:

Meth will burn regardless of how fine it is ground, but larger chunks will hurt for extended periods of time.

Coke and everything else can be done in larger chunks, the only danger here is clogging up one's nose. I've seen people take clumps-only lines straight off a block, but I figure by the time one gains that ability most nasal tissue has been eaten away. To ensure finest crushing, take a credit card / driver's license and press it face down on the powder. Watch out for airbourne pieces and grind it around a good bit. Scrape the rest off the back of the card and Bingo.

Other tips and tricks:

  • After snorting the line/bump, get a few drops of water in your palm and snort it up. It'll clear your nose, reduce post-rip-drip and let you take up the stuff that'd later get absorbed in boogers or drop out.
  • It's better to use a straw than US currency. Unless the bill is TIGHTLY rolled, some will get stuck in between the windings of said bill.
  • Don't do this. Snorting anything will eat up your cartilage, make your nose more susceptible to bleeding and pain; if you ever go to a nose and throat specialist they will be able to guess at your habits.
Once you have the above techniques and tactics mastered, it's time to go for the kill. Sure, you can hoover a line like a fiend possessed, but if you ain't got style, how are you going to impress those drug-buddies? It's not the 80's, excess doesn't cut it!

And as we all know, this method of drug taking is the most social, for this class. It's the class A equivalent of the joint.

So: first, you need to make the fundamental choice: straw or note.

The straw

Personally, I think plastic straws are for kids. If you're spending serious dosh on your favourite chemical, you need to either indicate this with some permanency, as if to say, this is my life choice. I used to own a stainless steel 'straw' with a rounded nose-tip and flared inhalation at the business end. You could also buy them gold-plated or in the shape of a vacuum cleaner. Look in your local bong shop.

The note

The choice of note says a lot about you. For example, in countries and regions where the notes are brightly coloured (Australia, Europe) depending on denomination, it is immediately obvious, even when rolled, what the note is worth. So, choice of note is particularly important in these regions.

The $100 bill, as the highest denomination, tends to be the 'flashy' one, and, if you like your bling blings and gold chains, this is the one for you.

The $50 is a rarer beast, but the preferred note of choice in my book. Why? It's larger than the $20, larger than you would need for daily purchases, but not so large as to be flashy, and you're going to have a few around in case of the need to splurge.

The $20 note is still acceptable, if you buy your drugs in points rather than grams or ounces.

Rolling the perfect note

If you really want to impress, however, you want to be able to roll a note that won't unravel as it is passed around the table/bed/whatever.

Take the note, lay it flat. Take the lower left corner, and dog ear it. The angle formed by the crease line should be 45 degrees. The note should look like the following dodgy ASCII art:

    ________________
(c) |_____          |
     \   |(d)       |
      \  |          |(b)
       \_|__________|
       (a)

The unfolded space above the triangle fold should be about half an inch, or one centimeter. Now, turn the note over, and begin to roll the note tightly from the unfolded end (b). Roll inwards towards (c) so that the flap is sticking out behind. Now for the magic.

Take part (c) and slide it around the top of the roll, so that the crease tucks in behind the flap formed from (c)-(a). If you have done it right, the flap (c) should wrap around the roll and tuck in behind (d). If you drop the note, it will keep its shape.

Style

Once you've mastered snorting without spluttering, sneezing or otherwise embarassing yourself, practise doing it all without sound, and with one hand.

Instead of snorting hard, try inhaling deeply but soundlessly. Hold the note between thumb and middle finger, block the opposite nostril with your index finger (e.g., if left-handed, block your right nostril), hold the note to your open nostril and inhale. It causes a hell of an effect.

Best of luck!




*sniff*
(wait a few seconds)
*eyes begin to water*
(squeeze them shut)
*suppress cough*
(feel the drips form at the back of your throat)
*throat starts to go numb*
(take a pull from your beer)
*quickly followed by your brain*
(go out and conquer the universe)
*rush begins to fade*
(repeat as often as necessary)
*paranoia sets in*
(go home and try and go to sleep)
*wrestle with your thoughts*
(finally pass out)
*fractured sleep*
(cold sweats)
*next day*
(daylight hurts your eyeballs)
*try and recall the events of the night before*
(head throbs like a freight train)
*wonder why the hell you’re doing this in the first place?*
(realize you’re an idiot)
*feel guilty*
(make promise to quit)
*finally get help*
(live a better life)

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