This How to guide is expressly meant for those wishing to avoid diaper rash, although those wishing for a nasty case of this ailment can feel free to follow in my footsteps.

Step One:
Go to bed in a nice warm place with a pair of sweatpants on next to your significant other. Begin to sweat in your delicate parts. Become somewhat groggy.

Step Two:
Do not reject amorous advances made by your partner. Respond groggily in the affirmative, that you would indeed like to have sex.

Step Three:
Skip foreplay. Your significant other will feel moistness because you've been sort of sweating, and will plunge right in thinking you're a randy little devil. Being groggy, you will not protest, because it doesn't really hurt, it just chafes a bit for about 30 seconds, and then becomes pleasurable, as usual.

Step Four (and most important):
Put the sweatpants back on without cleaning up your (now saturated and chafed) delicate parts. Fall asleep. Thrash around a bit in your sleep, this will no doubt help to aggravate your condition.

Step Five:
Take a shower the next morning, and absentmindedly do a half ass job of drying off. Put on some stretchy nylon underpants that don't breathe. Wear them all day. Wonder why you're itchy yet?

Ways to avoid this not so fresh feeling:
  • Urinate after sex. Every time. This not only prompts you to wipe away the goo, but also helps (for women definitely) to avoid a urinary tract infection. Any bacteria that were introduced by loverboy inadvertently can be washed out of the urethra with this simple action.
  • Wear breathable cotton underpants. This is just common sense. Don't know what the hell I was thinking.
  • Dry yourself off completely when you get out of the shower. If people get nasty toes from not drying between them, guess what happens to your pretty little labia?


FYI... if you want to know how to deal with it once you've got it, check diaper rash.

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