So I'm sitting here at work with my delicate condition (go there)
and I go to the bathroom. I pee
, I wipe, it hurts really bad. I freeze and reflect on this. My rash feels kind of blistery. My heart
into my stomach and I'm not sure I want to get off the toilet. I might have to sit here for a while.
Flashback nearly four years - the guy I'm dating has been cheating on me
. The girl he has been cheating on me with makes an announcement to him that she thinks she has herpes
. He drags her over to our house so that she can tell me this. I am horrified.
Have you gone to the doctor? No.
I get onto the internet and pull up a picture
of a vagina afflicted with genital herpes
. Does it look like this? No.
it look like?? I dunno.
Show him. (I point at the cheating bastard
). I don't want to.
Get out of my house.
The next day, I went to the gynecologist
. I remember it distinctly, I liked that doctor, and he was very nice. He did a pap smear
. He took blood. He pronounced me clean as a whistle after the lab tests came back.
I stayed with that boyfriend (that's another stupid
story), and got regular checkups from the gynecologist. Thankfully, we broke up. Now, in the past 2+ years, I have been with one person. It stands to reason that I should not have any reason to worry. But I am completely fucking paranoid
, and it is 1:30 in the morning, and I am at work. First thing after start of business tomorrow morning, I am going to call
and plead with Planned Parenthood
for a quick appointment to appraise
my stupid rash.
Until then, I am haunted by the ghost of herpes past. The last thing I want in the world is to be responsible for passing
something on to my boyfriend, and I will be absolutely furious
with my ex boyfriend and with myself if there is anything wrong. I just have a hard time believing that herpes
would just sit and incubate
for nearly three years at the minimum. As a matter of fact, that may well be impossible
, since all of the stuff I've read tonight about it says it shows up within about 20 days.
sucks. Irrational fear sucks. My heart is beating way too fast and I am not happy
November 14, 2000 - ahhh how nice it is to discover that there is nothing wrong.