Yet another conspiracy has been revealed. In the tradition of of finding truth and disparaging lies, we bring you The Real Story on Middle America. It does not exist.

It all started with spur of the moment thoughts on going to San Francisco. The problem was that we were to start on opposing coasts, so we decided on a distance midpoint (an aside that I would be driving away from the destination by half the country, and subsequently back). Somewhere in Middle America seemed fitting, but where? Upon closer inspection, we realized that we were unsure which states actually constituted Middle America, we thought and thought, but could not name a single one (lets not even talk about geographic ignorance here okay?). Then we came up with Kansas, but we were not even sure it existed, uncertainty. Certainly neither of us had ever met anyone from there, nor had we ever seen any of this mythical Kansas, we struck it from the record. As more of our abundant intellect was poured into this growing conundrum, we unveiled a deeper layer of disturbing information. We had never met anyone from Middle America, always people seem to be from either of the coasts, the south, and occasionaly the cold north.

Things were starting to smack distinctly of a conspiracy at this point. After carefully arranging the facts, it was found that there is simply a huge black sucking void in the middle of the nation. It must be skirted around to get to either side, avoid at all costs. It is a growing black hole with a specific event horizon such that it is impossible for news of its existance to escape from states near its edge to the rest of the nation. If you can see it, your a goner. The endless torrent of tornado and flood stories are simply a plot by the government to scare people away for their own good. The pull of the void is inversely proportional to our distance from it, which helps us understand the inexplicable urge to visit Middle America that is felt from time to time.

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