In a world where actions speak louder than words...(cue drum beat/string ensemble)
I stand before you all today to protest--
In a land scarred by time and cluster bombs...
There is no protest!
How about 50 AK-47's for that bowl of gruel?
In A.D. 2003, war was beginning.
They'd better have firing pins, or you're getting a frag grenade in your hookah.
They fear our missiles.
AIRCRAFT CARRIERS amass in the Persian Gulf.
...we will show them a new kind of fear.
PROTESTORS envelop Manhattan.
Mr. President, the time is near.
BUSH turns to CHENEY in utter disbelief.
PIERCE BROSNAN as Tony Blair
Don't you "Mr. President" me, and don't you think I know that?
INT. COMMONS - DAY
SIDNEY POITIER as Colin Powell
Screw you guys. I'm going home.
Our options thus spent, Mr. President, we can only go softly...
BUSH, gazing out the Oval Office window, turns around to face POWELL.
WAYNE KNIGHT as Kim Jong Il
Soft...? Like a carpet...? Of napalm!
BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA! BUSH NO HIT ME!
HU JINTAO (Jet Li) decks him.
CHRIS KATTAN as George W. Bush
INT. OVAL OFFICE - NIGHT
This action will be short, one-sided, and very, very painful for them.
...and perhaps, but most probably not, our boys as well.
...boys and girls, I mean. Of course.
Cut! Do it again.
BENICIO DEL TORO as Saddam Hussein
Son of a BITCH!
The miss-ile is lovely, no? So sexy, in its own, subtle, subtle way.
Sir, are you all-
Release the hounds!
JAMES CROMWELL as Donald Rumsfeld
GULF WAR II
RETURN TO THE DESERT
FADE OUT on a shot of burning oil fields.
now playing at a theater near you
* foreshadowing his lead role in Korean War II
, of course.
Uncredited in the trailer: Marlon Brando as Ariel Sharon, Rowan Atkinson as Jean Chretien, James Gandolfini as Jacques Chirac, Snoop Dogg as Osama bin Laden, and Ben Stein as Ari Fleischer.
I swear to God I'm going back on the covenant as soon as it's over.