The line for the deli was too long, so I took a number and meandered through the produce department, picking up eggplant, zucchini, onions, apples and bananas.

I was not in a hurry, and explained the difference to two young girls between peaches and nectarines. I bought some peaches. And that is when the music started playing GLORIA. It was like a switch was turned on inside everyone over a certain age.

You know she comes around here, At just about midnight...

I returned to the deli for meat and cheeses. A woman next to me was tapping her foot.

And her name is G-L-O-R-I...

Next aisle, I'm throwing six boxes of cereal into my shopping cart, as a man in a pink shirt says, "You're showing your age." I said, "Excuse me?" and he said, "You were singing along." Then he tells me his daughters want Cap'n Crunch, but he doesn't know which variety. I asked him how old they are, as he texted them photos of the cereal boxes. "Just back from college", he replied, "where I spent a fortune on the meal plan and all they ate were salads, didn't want to put on the 'freshmen fifteen'."

I had no idea what he was talking about until he patted his rather large stomach.

G-L-O-R-I-A (GLORIA)...

I now picked up my speed, not wanting to hear a young mother explain why a certain cereal wasn't good for her two little ones. Skipped the next aisle, and then turned back, remembering we were out of toothpaste, even though it wasn't on the list.

Needed pasta and stewed tomatoes, and tossed 8 or 10 packages into my cart, as a Dad carrying a red hand basket told his son he couldn't have Spaghettios and the boy said, "But I like them and Mom lets me have them." The Dad looked at me; I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Choose your battles, dude."

G-L-O-R-I-A (GLORIA)...

Salad dressing aisle took twenty or more minutes, as I tried to read labels, my reading glasses inconveniently at home, trying to find everyone's favorites. Apparently, I looked like an aficionado, as three different people explained to me a salad dressing they bought before but couldn't find. One lady even gave me her great-grandmother's special recipe for cooking tough meat, using salad dressing as a marinade. Didn't have the heart to tell her I do that too, though not on tough meat.

I'm gonna shout it all night (GLORIA)...

Back to the produce department since I forgot fresh parsley, got bok choy and miniature multicolored peppers since I was there. And potatoes, blueberries, and strawberries. And baby spinach for salads. None of these were on my list.

I'm gonna shout it everyday (GLORIA)...

So, this is becoming tiring, despite be-bopping to the music and my cart is almost full when I remember I drove my two-seater old Miata, that with the top down can hold 8 or 9 bags, if I'm careful. Last things needed are milk and cat food, a few loaves of bread. They moved the milk. No real problem but everyone is confused. I decide to try Almond Milk for my coffee, but there are no prices and about a dozen brands or varieties.

Comes a-walkin' down my street...

I ask a new dairy guy for help. He thinks I want soy milk. Very clearly I explain what I want and he asks, "Do you have a gun?" I think he's talking to me so I answered, "No, not on me." At the mention of the word, gun, silence descended on every shopper within 20 feet. The dairy guy repeats the question louder; I start having heart palpitations until I understand he is asking another dairy guy, who was hidden behind a partly open freezer room.

And then she comes in my room...

I looked around at the stunned and frozen shoppers and said, "All I want is Almond Milk and I think he meant to ask for a scanner." As I headed for the checkout, I thought of the security cameras and how whoever watches them, might get a laugh. Either that or I'm now on some list myself.

G-L-O-R-I-A...(GLORIA)

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