"You're watching Cox News, and we're back here on Truthline. I'm Chuck Todd. Our guests today include Charles Krauthammer, from the Washington Post; Maureen Dowd, from the New York Times; Andrew Breitbart, on leave from Hell; and Paul Krugman, from the New York Times. Election day is only a few days off -- let's talk politics."
"Well, I think it's shocking that Clinton hasn't been repudiated for her use of emails. You know what they say about email. An email candidate would be the death of the republic."
"Charles, do you know what email is?"
"I know what I'm paid to know. And I know we can trust Trump not to break the law with phony charitable foundations."
"You do realize that's exactly what Trump's foundation did, right? There were indictments and everything."
"That only lasted until the prosecution team was eaten by enormous centipedes, Paul."
"Nevertheless, it does raise questions about Clinton. There's a cloud over her campaign. Where there's smoke, there's fire."
"Listen, what's important is which candidate is the most manly. And even though Hillary is pretty manly, Trump is the most manly."
"That's incredibly crass, Maureen."
"Yes, I'm saying Hillary's a man. She's also ugly. She doesn't deserve Bill. LESBIAN, LESBIAN, LESBIAN."
"As always, it's irresponsible not to speculate."
"The emails don't matter. The foundation doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is Trump is a Thing From Beyond Time."
"That's racist. And you're the one who's really deplorable, Paul, for even pointing that out."
"We do have video from Trump's recent rally in Arizona. His statements have been considered mildly controversial."
(Video is played. Setting: Athletic venue in Tempe, Arizona, decorated with Trump campaign material. Crowd is standing room only and very enthusiastic. Trump is standing at podium, dressed in all-concealing black robe. Trump leans toward microphone, whispers "All shall serve the Harvest. There is no darkness in my sepulchre. There is light and there is shrieking. The Black Wasp is coming. Buh-lieve me. Sad." Without warning, approximately 40 people in the crowd begin singing a single note two octaves below Low C. Their heads then explode as flailing scarlet tentacles erupt from the stumps of their necks. Video ends.)
"His supporters are certainly passionate, aren't they?"
"You mean they've been driven mad by exposure to Trump's non-Euclidean hair. Most of them really believe he'll build a wall made of the bones and sinews of their own children and somehow make Mexico pay for it."
"Andy, you've been uncharacteristically quiet today, especially considering the website you founded has been at the forefront of Trump support. What are your thoughts on these issues? Andy? Andy, can you hear me?"
"I'm not sure he can hear you, Chuck. Demons from hell have driven iron spikes into all of his orifices, after all. Something about a life lived in service to abject cruelty, hatred, and unapologetic evil..."
"Well, we're not here to make value judgements or factcheck anyone. That's beyond the scope of journalism. But it looks like our time is up for today. Stay tuned for Fact Squad -- Sean Hannity will tell us all the ways Trump will Make America Feast on its Own Entrails Again."
It's that time of year again. Let's try to scare each other.
Write an original scary story. Write a horror-themed poem. Node a story that is in the public domain. Write a factual writeup that is about horror or scary stuff. Write a biography of a writer or actor closely associated with the horror genre. Create a review of a horror film or story. It can be any length and any topic -- as long as it's scary.
What's the runtime for the Quest? The entire month of October, plus November 1, server time. Halloween is too awesome to limit to just one day a year.
If you need inspiration, or if you just want to see some more of the scary stories that Everythingians have produced, check out our previous horror quests: I can make you howl. And vice versa. Let's get down to business., Everything Quests: Scary Stories, The Blood is the Life: A Frightful Halloween Quest, They Hunger For Nodes: An e2 Halloween Scary Story Quest (sadly, the nodequest entry has been deleted), I Will Show You Fear in a Handful of Text: The 2005 Halloween Horrorquest, It's the Season for Graves Cracking: The 2006 Quest for Fear (another deleted quest announcement, unfortunately), The Poet and the Worm, The Night's Plutonian Shore: The 2007 Halloween Horrorquest, Necronodecon: The 2008 Halloween Horrorquest, Pickman's Nodegel: The 2009 Halloween Horrorquest, Ten Years of Terror: The 2010 Halloween Horrorquest, The Nodegel from Yuggoth: The 2011 Halloween Horrorquest, Children of the Night: The 2012 Halloween Horrorquest, 13 O'Clock: The 2013 Halloween Horrorquest, No More Room in Hell: The 2014 Halloween Horrorquest, and In the Nodes of Madness: The 2015 Halloween Horrorquest.
Again, the Quest will run for the entire month of October and November 1. If you post early or late -- too bad, so sad.
When you write a story for the Quest, just /msg me with the node title, then softlink your writeup to this node. I'll include a list of all the Quest participants below.
So start thinking horror, boils and ghouls. Halloween is coming. Let's scare each other.