A Good Ol' Boy
(this is the proper spelling
) is a man
involved in the Good Ol' Boy System
GOBS) in the Southern United States
. In order to qualify
as a member
of GOBS, you must meet the following requirement
You will wear oversized belt buckles, and occasionally bolo ties.
- You must be white and proud.
- You must be Christian, or at least pretend to be. In some localitites you must pretend to be a specific denomination, such
- You must be older....at least 35, but this varies.
- You must be a Southern Gentleman, at least publicly.
- You must be able to laugh at racial humor, including humor
from the 19th century involving slavery.
- You must be able to lament the fact that the South lost
"The War of Northern Aggression," and openly hypothesize about how life would be different if the South
- You must enjoy hunting, fishing, and other outdoors faire.
- You must believe in "keeping women in their proper place".
- You must never, ever talk about sex publicly.
- You must know what the terms "scalawag" and
" carpetbagger" mean, and use them appropriately in everyday conversation. "Gilflirted" doesn't hurt either.
- You must be moderately well-off. Good Ol' Boys are the
Cream of the White Trash.
- You must be politically minded, but not necessarily a
- You must be willing to do whatever is necessary to see to it that other Good Ol' Boys are advanced in society. For example:
- If you're a GOB police officer, and you found that
you have pulled over a fellow GOBS member, you
must let him off with a warning, no matter how
often it happens.
- If you're a GOB doctor, and a fellow GOB comes
in with a pregnant underage daughter, you will perform a
secret abortion so that he can save face.
- If you're a GOB politician, you will strive to look
the other way when other GOB politicians do
illegal things. You are to draft and pass legislation
to assist the GOB movement.
- If you're a GOB lawyer, you will represent only other
GOBs and their families, whether they're guilty or not unless you plan to throw the trial, which you must do if the person you're fighting against is a GOB.
GOB activities have ranged from rigging elections to embezzling
public money. They do all this in the name of their cause, or their race. The see the end as total justification
of their means. Usually heard saying, "Boy, you don't look like you're from around here
Having grown up in southern Arkansas
, and having attended college at the University of Arkansas
, I feel that I am able to be rather authoritative
See also: velcro gloves, redneck, yuppie rednecks, incest, and Plant your $1000 seed of faith