it is like standing in front of a christmas tree in the falling snow, like the moment of believing inside of it all. the confusion, the sweeping glances and nervous thoughts. like the rush of air as the city populace races past, all fleeting, unsettling. it is catching yourself staring at a beautiful stranger, and it is the thousands of eyes, always wondering which layer they will see.

if you'd ask me, i wouldn't say - these things don't make sense just now, this falling in and out of love is more a great stumbling than anything else. there is nothing elegant in the tripping over i don't know and yes, i will, i do.

there is this, though - the music that finds you. the somehow knowing despite a heads contents, jumbled.

if you give me an answer that i can hold onto..

it is too hard to believe in someone, something.. there was a part of me that loved to whisper forever, always, as if i could know in a weeks time that i would still feel anything at all. lately it is the days unfolding, the moon slipping past the sun before i am ready. and it is you. waiting on the steps of some future we have assigned ourselves, head lowered just slightly peering over your glasses. these roller coaster lives will finish us all, i am sure.

it is my hand, and it is my heart, and it is my fear. it is a promise and a feeling, and this is nothing like i'd imagined it.

curious, amazing that you would know all of this and still stand there, waiting, watching how i will find the pieces here and there. a reconstruction, a resurrection. broken people with turtle lives and the boy who saved me. i've found you, i know. i will find you again and again for the rest of these little lives.

i am a tiny gray stone, but you make me shine like a crazy diamond. i do not know what i am looking for, i am twisted inside myself scared-excited, swirling, upside down. we will find it together, wednesday driving with the rotating reindeer.

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