(No this is not a cutnpaste. Yes this is original material.)

the Game Master Rules of Admonition

  1. The Game Master (GM) is always right.
  2. The previous rule is still correct. This one will still be right long after you have forgotten all of the other rules.
  3. Irregardless of the game system, the Game Master is whatever he tells you to call him.
  4. Your Player Character (PC) lives and dies by the whims of the GM.
  5. When all else fails, accept it.
  6. Boasting does not help.
  7. Quoting from the books that only the GM is supposed to have does not help.
  8. Repeating yourself does not help.
  9. Whining does not help.
  10. Yelling does not help.
  11. The GM is not deaf; he selectively chooses when to listen.
  12. Word your move as exact as possible, so that there is no misunderstanding. It will not help, but you will feel better.
  13. The GM is there for the same reason the Players are there: to have fun.
  14. Though goals may be similar, methods should not be.
  15. Don't be a power player.
  16. A power player's fun is at the expense of others.
  17. Power player equals slack vampire.
  18. Power players think they need no one, and are always wrong even when they're right.
  19. Power players can find the "I" in "TEAMWORK."
  20. Playing with a power player is like sharing a tent with a rattlesnake.
  21. Playing with a power player is like trying to avoid a silent fart.
  22. Power players soon find the game moved to another day, and they neglected to tell him where.
  23. Your character is still alive? Count your blessings.
  24. Your character is dead? Count your blessings.
  25. It could always be worse. Always.
  26. Cheating is not right or wrong in Role Playing Games (RPGs) -- it's just stupid.
  27. Cheating is hollow and unfun, negates success, and causes loss to lose its meaning.
  28. Cheating in Role Playing Games is like wearing a bathing suit to the beach and not getting wet.
  29. You can only cheat one person when playing RPGs: yourself.
  30. The GM cannot read your mind. If you were thinking about doing something, you should have told him before he rolled the dice.
  31. The dice are the tools of the GM; it's not the other way around.
  32. All GM decisions are final. There are no returns. There are no refunds. There are no appeals.
  33. If the GM decides to change his mind, it was not your idea -- even and especially if it was your idea.
  34. You will do better to quietly help rule one remain true than if you loudly try to prove it false.
  35. This is interactive storytelling; not competitive Monopoly.
  36. You want a game where you can win? Get off your ass, put down the chips and beer, and go play sports.
  37. This game existed before you came along; it will still be here when you leave.
  38. Demanding a 'do over' will make it worse than the first time.
  39. GMs can be bought, but you can't afford it.
  40. GMs can be forgiving, but there is a cost.
  41. When a GM goes back a few minutes in the game, it is always for clarification and never admission (see rule number one).
  42. The GM is not responible for your stupidity.
  43. The player in the group is talking more than the GM increases the risk of being the next one to die.
  44. Your character is not you.
  45. It might be your house, but it's the GM's game.
  46. It might be your table, but it's the GM's game.
  47. You may be older and wiser, but it's the GM's game.
  48. Be you friends or strangers, it's the GM's game, and accumulatively your experience.
  49. It's the GM's imaginary world: you're just renting.
  50. If the GM says the sky is green and the grass is blue, the sky is green and the grass is blue.
  51. If you get what you want, shut up immediately.
  52. If you don't get what you want, shut up immediately.
  53. Figuring out why it is this way takes less energy than arguing about why it is not your way.
  54. Are you the only player unhappy about something? Shut up immediately.
  55. Is there someone else more unhappy about something than you are? Is he talking? Shut up immediately and nod a lot.
  56. A GM on an empty stomach is an unhappy GM, unhappy players, and an unhappy game.
  57. There is always a way out, even when there is not.
  58. RPGs are not by the book; they're by the GM.
  59. If the GM doesn't like the rule, it's not in the book. Even and especially if it's not in the book.
  60. Just because it's on paper doesn't make it fun.
  61. If the GM contradicts himself, what he said then was gospel then. What he says now is gospel now.
  62. If it's your turn, the GM will let you know.
  63. If it's not your turn, shut the hell up.
  64. There is nothing worse than a Player who wants to be a Game Master.
  65. There is nothing better than a Game Master who wants to be a Player.
  66. When in doubt, plead.
  67. Do not kiss the Game Master's ass. Do be attentive to the Game Master's needs. Learn that there is a difference, and learn how to tell.
  68. It is the Game Master's choice whether or not to help the players accomplish their goals.
  69. It is the Game Master's duty to insure that the goals of the characters are impeded.
  70. If the GM takes another player aside, don't try to listen in.
  71. If the GM says he needs some fresh air, don't crowd him.
  72. When the GM calls for a break, do not talk about the game.
  73. Don't make the GM angry. You wouldn't like it when he's angry.
  74. Be wary of a GM who only goes by the book.
  75. An overactive imagination equals a good Game Master.
  76. The GM will give you clues but it is up to you to take them.
  77. The GM may choose to tell you where your character is heading, but not how you will get there.
  78. The GM may choose to tell you how you will get there, but not why you are going.
  79. If you do not know the answer to a Who, What, When, Where, How or Why, there is a reason.
  80. Checking for secret doors repeatedly will not invent a door.
  81. If the GM says your character can't have eyes in the back of your head, you can't have eyes in the back of your head.
  82. If the GM says your character can have eyes in the back of your head, write that prominently on a baseball cap and wear it at all times.
  83. If the GM forgot, you neglected to remind him.
  84. If you reminded the GM and he forgot anyway, you may have reminded him too much.
  85. If you've been arguing with the GM, and the other Players are not arguing in your favor, you are wrong.
  86. If you are right, and you are arguing with the GM, and the other players are not agreeing with you, you are wrong.
  87. Sit down and shut up.
  88. You are not the only one here to have a good time.
  89. Be wary of a GM who does not use his own dice.
  90. If the NPCs scottish accent turns australian, it's not necessarily a clue: the GM could just be tired.
  91. Never be afraid to laugh.
  92. Never laugh too much.
  93. Never be the one to take the last slice of pizza.
  94. Sometimes your character should do things that are out of character.
  95. The GM is not your enemy; he just plays the bad guys.
  96. There is no correlation between the use of the dice and the joy of the game: refrain from imagining such a correlation.
  97. As the GM describes a space, count your senses.
  98. There is no harm in asking the GM to describe a room in more detail before, because if you wait until after, it will be too late.
  99. If your character can choose an option which will take him away from the other characters, it's rarely the right option.
  100. If it's boring, it's not a good idea.
  101. Good Game Masters are more precious than a dragon's hoard -- treasure them.
  102. You can always roll up another character.
  103. You can always blame it on the dice.
  104. If all else fails, sit down and shut up.
  105. You can always stop playing.
  106. The relationship between Player and Game Master is like a marriage.
  107. The GM and Players choose to be with one another.
  108. You can always find another Game Master; the GM can always find other Players.
  109. Be careful what you ask for...
  110. Never let your character do the same thing, in quite the same way, two times in a row.
  111. Gaming Chicken Pecking Order of importance always goes like this: the Game Master is always first, then whoever brought the alcohol, the most and best snacks, then everybody else.


The preceding has been a parody of Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. No this is not a cutnpaste. Yes this is original material.)

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