We were staggering from clothes shop to shoe shop and back again, trying to remain patient with the females of our little group. As we loitered with intent outside Next we heard a squeal (yes, literally a squeal) and a "It's Anthony!" (me).

We turned around and the words went directly from my brainstem to my vocal chords: "Ewww, Icky boob job!"

We had last seen her at college, and she had been flat chested then, and very petite and boyish. We had all loved her to death though, as she was great fun to be around - even if she was a little daffy. Between college and last weekend, (about 8 years), she must have had a boob job. She must have walked into the booberie and said "One of your finest Pornstar specials, please". I can imagine her looking though the brochure and pointing to Jill Kelly or Houston and saying "Yes, as big as possible please"

These breasts were enormous! She is maybe 4 feet 11 and tiny everywhere, except for her chest! Upon closer inspection (well, I had to), the skin was all stretched and plasticky looking.

Thankfully my hasty (but oh so apt) words were swallowed by the general din (although one parent looked at me very strangely).

How do you make conversation with a girl with breasts as big as those on a frame as small as that? "Hey, how much did those cost?" (no) "So what bra size are you then?" (no, no) "Do you have to have your bras made to order?" (yegads! no) "So how long have you been a pornstar?" (no, no, no)

I watched a plastic surgeon (on TV - I'm not that odd:) do a breast reduction er..job(?) on a woman who had been born with large breasts. I have to say it was the most disturbing thing I've seen for a long time - fat and glandular tissue and blood. EURGHH!

Obviously, this is quite different from reversing a too large boob job, and was possibly necessary for her back, but how does the guy do that and still find women attractive. I know there are many, many other attractive features to a woman - though there are those that feature more than others. However, I can't imagine a bare jug ever looking quite the same again...

If we're talking icky boob job, Tori Spelling must be mentioned.

Ms Spelling is a famous- if not the most famous- case of plastic surgery gone wrong.

Her boobs are unusual, to say the least. One is larger than the other, and seems to have the skin stretched too tight around the part which attaches the breast to the chest. This has resulted in a teardrop shaped breast which is not natural looking at all.

Experts have claimed this has occurred as a result of too much breast tissue being placed on a small frame, much like dizzy's friend. To top things off, Ms Spelling apparently lost weight after the operation, adding insult to injury.

So whenever there's a photo of Tori in a bikini or a low cut evening gown, everyone's first reaction is to screech "Gross! Look at her boobs! They're so WEIRD!". Oh, ew, icky boob job.

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