The Everything gland, normally a vestigal organ in humans, can be activated by long, uninterrupted hours of noding about useless and trival information. When stimulated, the Everything Gland secretes copious amounts of a hormone known to scientists as "Some kind of icky brown stuff." This hormone causes a severe psychological reaction in humans which results in self-serving, attention-craving, node-vertising behavior, much like that of the 5 year-old on the diving board. No treatment for this condition has yet been found.

UPS - wirenews 23/06/2000

Independent sources confirm that the so called "Everything Gland" is in reality a spare pineal gland. Dr. Mbogo, head of the Popocateptl Chingaderas en General Research Labs declared: "I don't know why it took everyone so long. I mean the very word icky should have been clue enough".
Apparently researchers were misled by the fact that the "Everything gland" is actually inside the pineal gland: when the Everything gland kicks in, reaching its operational stable size (described as "average = grapefruit, standard deviation of two cherries"), the pineal gland is "shredded to tiny, chorizo-like, bits" in the words of the Lic. Garcilaso Garcia Garcia de Garcia, one of Dr. Mbogo's TAs.
"This may be a strange location for a spare gland", said Dr. Mbogo, "but it is in the ways of nature to surprise us every now and then".

Log in or registerto write something here or to contact authors.