Hey, it's true! For example, I was born in Abilene, and I weigh over 300 pounds (all of it muscle, of course), and yet I am only six years old.

Still don't believe me? Okay, you've seen all those Western movies, right? You know those horses you see John Wayne riding? They're actually chihuahuas. No, really! If they used real horses, the Duke (a mere Californian) would have appeared too puny next to the Godzilla-sized ponies.

You've heard of Southwest Airlines, right? Based out of Dallas? Those planes are actually hollowed-out mosquitoes. Yeah, no fucking kidding. It took my grandmother a whole three hours to hollow one of those skeeters out, but she's been slowing down ever since her 136th birthday.

I know you probably prefer to disbelieve everything we tell y'all, but that's okay. We make allowances for the comparatively tiny brains of bitter Yankees.

Vote me down, will you? I should crush you beneath my mighty elephant-skin boots, human worm...

Debunking the Myth: Is Everything Really Bigger in Texas?
sekicho, Department of Smartassery, Everything University

Consulting The Everything People Registry : United States : Texas, we can see that there are 55 registered noders living there. Since Texas has a population of roughly 20 million, that means that the noder-to-civilian ratio is approximately 1:364,000.

Now, let's look at The Everything People Registry : United States : Florida, which lists 48 noders. Florida's population is about 15 million, so the ratio is only 1:312,500.

Therefore, as much as I hate to burst y'all's bubble, Everything appears to be significantly bigger in Florida than it is in the Lone Star State.

Sorry.

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