I was just reading some nodes. You know the daily routine - voting some up, some down, and reading as many as I can.
Occasionally, I'll nip a bit in the catbox, or put up a node of my very own.
But today, I had left E2 in my browser and walked away from the computer.
You see, what the maintainers of E2 don't tell you, is that there is actaully a virus within the bowels of the Everything code. It fries your sound card, and makes your CD-ROM increase the intensity of its laser 200 fold, causing it to melt a hole through the top of its housing, and thus, your computer case. (This E2 virus is the component of many chain E-Mail messages. They know about it! DON'T OPEN ANY E-MAILS THAT SAY "IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO STAB A RABBIT", OR YOU WILL GET THIS VIRUS.)
Ahem. Sorry about that. Allow me to continue.
This virus also spins your hard drive up to speeds never before imagined by anyone from this world. This is what caused the resulting tragedy.
You see, not all hard drives have their platters perfectly balanced. As a matter of fact, very few do. Have you ever put a CD in a CD-ROM drive, only to hear it vibrate wildly? That's because the disc is a little unbalanced.
Now, your CD-ROM drive is spinning that plastic disc at about 52X maximum. Imagine a 7200RPM hard drive that's spinning that metal disc at about four-hundred times its normal rate. Now imagine that the platter is off balance.
You guessed it. The platter spun wildly out of control, breaching the hard drive's housing, and cutting through the case. When the platter ejected from the computer, it flew across the house, and smacked sideways into my dog, who was innocently gnawing on a chew toy. He had only enough time to glance at the source of the whirring noise before it whacked into him.
I don't think that's very fair.
You see, it wouldn't be terribly difficult to remove this horrible malicious code from E2, but the editors (the evil, baby-eating bastards they are) ignore the fact that the virus exists, and even deny it outright! (Denial is an admission!)
So now because of this malicious E2 virus, I'm stuck with a torn up computer, a ravaged hard drive, and a dead dog.
It's just not fair.