Had several dreams
I remember from last night, probably because I was awake, asleep, awake, asleep
for much of the morning. They're fading
as I type, which is why the Dream Log
The dream that stays in my head from last night is the waves. I'm staring out my window and I notice water in the background - a long plain of blue sea water, stretching off to the horizon. Somehow, the focus shifts, and I'm in the water, floating, as if I'd always been there. There's no shock of suddenly being wet like there is when I really jump in the ocean, it's just a comfortable, restful thing. Though of course there's a wave coming.
Not too large, but large enough that I want to duck under it rather than have it crash on me. I try to swim down as it comes, but all I can do is curl up into a fetal position and lie there as it crashes over me and down the water.
Nothing new. When I was young, this was one of my favorite things to do at the beach - swimming, ducking under the waves, popping up afterwards, though usually I swam down.
So I don't feel bad, and if anything, it somewhat excited me. I looked forward to the next wave, which came sooner than expected, that being part of the nature of waves. That one was fine too, but still, all I could do is go fetal. I couldn't dive under the wave, yet I was strangely not very concerned with this. Another wave came, higher, faster, rougher. It crashed before me, which means one has to dive under the resulting whitewater. I didn't, and it tossed me around under water. I popped up behinds its wake, unconcerned, and another came. And another. And another, growing and swelling all the time. Each time I went under the waves I stayed under for a longer time. I didn't care, didn't turn around to try to swim to the beach. I didn't even know if there was a beach.
There's a certain loss of perception when you're ducking waves - being in the water yourself, they look larger than they do to someone on shore. Still, when the last one came, it was huge to everyone. And I couldn't dive under it. It broke upon the water with a strangely dull roar, and I curled up into the fetal position, and it struck me, sucked me under. I was under the water getting thrown around like only whitewater will do for quite a long time. I heard a woman's voice scream something from the beach, but I didn't care. Didn't care about anything...
I think I woke up about then. I don't remember exactly, but there's no continuous memory after that. The thing that scared me wasn't the water, but the way I was so sedate about the whole experience. I didn't struggle, even in my mind. It was like I was on Valium or something. Scary.