It is again time for cleansing. Today has been a good day. I had
an interview today with Advance Auto Parts in prospect for an
internship. The interview went very well. I felt comfortable,
except for that nervousness that keeps me living. I felt that I
effectively communicated with my interviewers. The guy who directed
the interview was named Lorne. I would hate to do anything for him
In that respect, today was a good day. In other aspects of my day,
it has not been so great. Considering I just got back from
Thanksgiving break, I may be still in "break mode". I think there
is something more than simply being in rest-as-much-as-possible mode.
I think I might be feeling down for the first time in a while.
Recently, as in, the past 11 months, I have been on top of the world.
This happened after getting out of the very bad relationship and
consequently going to therapy, no drugs involved. After therapy, it
was a propelled ride up, and now is the only time I really feel down.
I almost forgot what it feels like. There are a couple of reasons why
I think I feel this way, and I feel I must chew on them a bit, I must
face them. Then I can move on.
Relationships: In essence, I am craving one. My last
relationship, though tough, was fantastic. Since then, it has been one night stands, all
about the physical satisfaction. Now I'm needing some emotional
satisfaction. Maybe I just need a more easily reached best friend (I miss you man)?
There is a woman who I greatly desire and admire, although I fear
that the uncertainty of my place of residence complicates things too
much. In fact, this is why we did not start something in the first place; I did not feel that it
would be fair to her. We talked about it for quite a while. Here
comes the importance of this interview. If I end up with this
internship, then I will be able to stay in this
area, away from the
parents, living on my own, making my own money, and
playing jazz at bars after work. That is my dream. The relationship with this person is simply bonus
points. Yet, I crave it now, and the uncertainty kills me.
Uncertainty: I am not one for magical solutions, or taking
the easy way out, I'm a bit of a masochist when it comes to that,
though sometimes I really wish I could know the future. I'm
straddling the line of living with my parents and living on my own like
a coybow riding an unbroken horse. I refuse to be thrown back into my
parents home without a good fight. So far, the fight has been
arduous. I am not graduating college in a good job market, but that
doesn't mean that I won't find a job! Yet here I am, right on that
line. So ready to be taking care of myself, earning my own money,
making my own mistakes and making my own successes! But if I don't
find a job, I have a 400 mile ride back "home". The waiting presents a
whole bunch of baggage by itself. Ye or nay?
In general, I am not used to being in the air for so long. I like
thinking on my feet and going
places not necessarily with a plan, but those usually come and go
pretty quickly. This has been going on since May, just about, when I
heard I was not graduating because of being 0.25 points low on my major
We shall see.