of all, I want to say
to all of those die-hard God
fans out there, I am sorry
if this offends
you. (I don't know
why it ever would.) In this node I hope
to show you how much money
you will spend
in your life, going to church
. It's not to drive you into Satanism
or anything, but it's just an idea
I've always wanted to get down on paper, er, the Internet
For these calculations, lets assume you're a real, good, perfect Catholic for every single day of your life. But remember, you are not required to donate to the church. It is only recommended because you get that warm fuzzy feeling inside of yourself for helping others. Here are the basis I am, um, basing this on. Don't forget; this is only if you happen to be a little less than perfect in every way.
- You start Religious Education at 6 years old, and begin going to church. You (or your parent) put at least $1 in the collection basket for yourself, every week.
- An average American lives for 73 years. That means that you would be attending church for 67 years.
- You attend church every Sunday. There is an average of 52 Sundays in a year. You attend church every Holy Day of Obligation every year, as well. There are 6 Holy Days that require your attendance in the Catholic calendar. That means you are going to church 58 times a year.
- 58 Sundays for 67 years is equal to attending church 3,886 times! That means you pay at least $3,886 to the Catholic Church over your lifetime, just for church.
- You become an adult and have children. An average family contains 3.5 kids. Being the perfect Catholic you are, you send your kids to CCD every Wednesday. An average CCD class costs $65. For each child, of course. Religious Education is an 8-year schooling period. That means, $65 times 3.5 kids times 8 years. That would be $1820. Lets be nice and assume that you have no celebration for your children at all for their First Communion and Confirmation. (ha ha) Or maybe you just pay for Catholic School for your kids. An average Catholic School is $7,200 a year. For, let's say, Middle School and High School. That spans 7 years, at $7,200 a year, for 3.5 kids. Oh my God, if you sent your 3+ kids to Catholic School for 7 years at an average price, you'd pay $176,400!
- Until your 3.5 children are 18 and go off to college, never to return again, you give them a dollar a week to put into the collection basket. That's 58 church days a year for 10 years times 3.5 kids. A total of $2,030.
- Miscellaneous contributions, Sacrament parties, clothes for certain church events, et al. About $3,000.
Hah, of course we all know that this is not a very large occurrence. Not very large at all!
Well, with that, let's tally up the hideous totals! It may be surprising in a one-lump sum amount, but it could cost anywhere from $10,716 to $185,296! Of course, we don't expect that from you. Now, I'll go my way. I just hope that our good Lord won't smite me down. Oh, no. I'm going to hell now.