Caught in the middle of... it. That is me, perpetually I am the middle person between two people I care a lot about, but there is absolutely nothing I can do because niether of them possess the ability to control their emotions and senses.

"Talk with us", is generally the request, "with both of us", but in the end it is just me sitting there watching them talk because none of it is ever about me, I'm just the one dragged into it. I can handle it, that isn't the problem. The problem is that I do not want to be the one holding it all together because I can't be that forever. I can only be a temporary solution (more of an aid than a solution) to what is actually a very simple problem. Of course, it's blown out of proportion until it seems like the only thing that matters in the universe, but all in all, it's quite simple, cut and dry.

Unfortunately, I'm the only one that can see why it is cut and dry.. so here I sit, between the two of you. You say you don't want to drag me into it but if I'm not in it you think that I don't care.

Walking away would be my solution, away from both of you and all of it. This would be the selfish, easy way out on my part.. if I hear one more assumption about my position on the matter, I will be forced to shrug it off of my shoulders. (At least I'd hope it would be that simple for me, though I probably couldn't even if it came to that.)

They both need to let go, of different things, aspects of their lives, but I can't do it for them..

Oh, the plight of the one caught in the middle of it.. I could complain but, all I can think is that I'm glad I'm in the middle and not on the edge.

I'm one of the people on the outside squishing the person in the middle. She doesn't deserve to suffer because of my screwed up brain and it is screwed up, very much so. I realized just how screwed up when last night I lay awake all night eyes closed brain racing. Semi-aware of my surroundings. It was like a part of me was looking at my brain from a distance and seeing that it is broken. Random thoughts, past, present future all mix creating chaos. I cannot deal with it most of the time. I think I need a good amount of some drug or another. Alot of people have suggested St John's Wort. I think i'll give it a go.

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