My father is a physician, so I often get to hear amusing stories from his days as a resident in the ER.  He told me one yesterday that I thought was good enough to share.  (In order to understand this story you need to know that the cardiac intensive care unit of most hospitals has a security camera on each bed, so the person at the nurses station can watch all of the patients all the time.  There is also a cool panel of ekg and blood oxidation monitors that goes with each bed.)

A friend of his, a cardiologist, had been working for about eighteen hours straight and was covering the ER and cardiac intensive care unit. Finally at about three thirty in the morning he got a chance to rest.  He went to the on-call lounge and fell asleep quickly.  But soon after, the phone rang and it was one of the nurses on call in the cardiac intensive care unit.

She tells my Dad's friend, "Um, doctor... Mr. Smith is masturbating."  Which makes sense to report because just like sex, masturbation can be a strenuous experience.

His retort:  "Call me back when hair starts growing on his palms."

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