As we all know, just a guy is dean of bar fighting at Yossarian's School of Badassary. As a senior grad student, I will be teaching this course while just a guy does nothing.

This isn't a course in basic fighting; This is a course in adapting your fighting style of choice for bar fight use. This section of the course will also not cover weapon usage; that will be covered in Weaponry 201.

So, when you see a bar fight occouring, what do you do first? The first thing to do is to find potential allies. These will typically be your drinking buddies. Walk over to them. Next, if there are ay girls in your party, form a defensive ring around them and escort them to the nearest door. This will be expanded on in Dating through Bar Fighting 301.

Next, acquire your choice weapons and position yourself and your mates in a strong tactical position. This means the sides of the room. Find a section of wall, or better still, a corner. This prevents people from approaching you from behind. Stand one to two meters from the wall, and have your friends form a line to your left and right, parallel to the wall and about a meter apart. Take a defensive stance, and if anyone comes close enough to threaten you, you and the mates directly to your left and right should close in and lay down some whup-ass, then return to your original positions.

Now, maintain this position for a short while, say ten minutes, while other bar patrons fight each other. Once most people have sustained a beating, and all involved are tired, you and your mates can wade in en masse to decisively take control of the situation. Divide into groups - four to six people per group is ideal - and get close together. Now, proceed across the room in a sweeper movement, beating down anyone who made it out of the initial onslought. It should be four-on-one, so you will have a good chance of winning.

Once you've got to the other side of the room, turn and make sure there isn't anyone capable of beating you up left. Now congratulate yourself and your mates, and act like you just beat down every person in the room, instead of waiting until they were tired and sorting out the survivors. Make sure everyone sees that you and your mates are the sole victors, so you maximise your appearance as bas-ass not-to-be-messed-with mofos. Now meandre to the door, and beat it before the cops arrive.

In summary, let the others fight it out, then beat down the survivors while they are weakened.

All students are to read through chapter four of their textbooks, Setting shit on fire 101. There will be a test next week.

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