"I WILL CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF!"
"Axe Cop" is a webcomic
written by Malachai Nicolle and illustrated by Ethan Nicolle. It
made its debut in late 2009/early 2010.
It may be the most
astoundingly glorious webcomic in history. Why? Because although Ethan
Nicolle is a professional artist and experienced comics creator, his
brother Malachai, the writer, was just five years old when the comic
Let me repeat for emphasis: The writer was five years old when the comic debuted.
Malachai is, at the time of this writeup, seven years old, but he's
still absolutely devoted to dinosaurs, unicorns, babies,
explosions, axes, zombies, and awesomeness.
Ethan came home for a Christmas visit and hung out with his little
brother, who offered to let him play "Axe Cop" with him. Ethan decided
to illustrate Malachai's stories to share with family and friends, and
the extremely positive reaction convinced him to turn it into a full
Our lead character is Axe Cop, a cop with mirrored
sunglasses and an awesome mustache. He uses a fireman's axe to fight
crime. He is ably assisted by Flute Cop, a cop who fights crime with a
flute. In the very first episode, Flute Cop gets dinosaur blood on
him and transforms into Dinosaur Soldier. In the third episode, Dinosaur Soldier eats an avocado and turns into Avocado Soldier. And in the fourth episode, he gets a magic, wish-granting unicorn horn and becomes Uni-Avocado Soldier. This happens to him a lot.
Axe Cop has lots of other allies, including:
- Ralph Wrinkles, a talking, sunglass-wearing dog;
- Wexter, Axe Cop's pet Tyrannosaurus Rex, who has chaingun
arms, the power of flight, giant sunglasses, and a "Super Duper Fast
Bite." And he can breathe fire;
- Sockarang, a hero with socks for arms, who gained the powers (and
mighty beard) of Bad Santa when he got the villain's blood on him;
- Uni-Man, an extremely smart man with a unicorn horn;
- the Best Fairy Ever, the only girl on Axe Cop's team. She and Sockarang are tragically in love;
- the Moon Brothers, Vampire Wolfer and Fire Slicer;
- Baby Man, a man dressed in a giant baby suit, who can fly when he "gasses";
- Army Chihuahua, a were-chihuahua who only changes into his human form when he's not ready to fight... which is almost never;
- Lobster Man, a hero who is part man, part German Shepherd, part lobster, and part zombie;
- Mr. Stocker, a superhero with no powers whose battle cry is "Hi, I'm Mr. Stocker!";
- and Abraham Lincoln, who is an Explosion God and who is the only woman (!!!) to ever marry Axe Cop.
And what do they do?
They fight alien
s and robot
s and bad
s (often whole planets of bad guys) and monster
s and things you
wouldn't believe unless you knew that the series was written by a kid --
things like Telescope Gun Cop
, Dr. Stinkyhead
, Dr. Doo Doo
, the Evil Flying Book
, King Evilfatsozon
Vampire Man Baby Kid
, Eggy Eggy
, Candy Candy
, a noncomformist
who walks and eats coconut
s instead of hopping and eating
carrots, Chuck Norris
, and a duck
who can shoot exploding eggs out
of its butt.
And besides the regular webcomic, there's also "Ask
," in which readers send Axe Cop their questions, and he
answers them as awesomely as possible.
The comics have been
collected by Dark Horse Comics
, which is also publishing a miniseries
called "Axe Cop: Bad Guy Earth
." And Steve Jackson Games
published a card game combining Axe Cop with their popular "Munchkin
" games in late 2011.
You should read this comic, because you need more awesome
in your life.