America if I only had the money. Here are your new commercials:
Tue May 08 2001 at 4:22:12
She is a dark-haired statue. The planes of her face are extraordinary. Her name might be
. The older women are dressing her, fanning her, arranging the veil just right, it is almost time. White is the only color for this bride because color would be too much. It would knock you down. It might anyway. Do you see her face? She is nervous she is hot but mostly she is sure. A little girl is watching her, peering up, not shy. She adores this bride. She is a niece or a cousin or
a stranger. She is welcome here
. She has the same dark curls and you can see
her dreaming, captive
. The bride catches her eye for a second, that is important, they share a secret. Fade to black.
It's June. Five high school kids riding the train back home to the city, late. They curl against each other in the narrow plastic seats and
nap, sweaty, exhausted
. One of them is
too keyed up to sleep
. He looks out the window and he looks at his best friend, mouth gaping leaned back against the window. And he grins and he knows, right then in the moment it is happening, that this is one of the best nights of his life. Maybe it is the best. He loves it. He looks at the girl sleeping by herself in a seat across the aisle. Her knit cap and long hair trailing almost to the floor. Arms folded under
that sweet sweaty face
Her body sways with the train, that curtain of hair swings gently.
Oh she is fine. Fade to black.
Are you uncomfortable or embarrassed at being the center of attention? Do you find it hard to interact with people? Do you often find yourself nervous in social situations? Do you find yourself drinking alone? Do you sometimes feel sad for no good reason? Are you obsessed with negative thoughts?
Do you cry all the time?
Yeah. Me too.
It's part of being human. Really. Everybody's had this. And it's not so big a deal. You're in the middle of it, is all.
There are lots of ways out.
Nobody's asking you to go back to school to get your Master's. Or get married or choose a career or get perfect overnight. You can't launch yourself at the huge things, that's what's making you all nuts and sad. Here's what you do.
Turn off your tv, take a walk.
Remember someone you thought you forgot, and dig up their phone number, and really call it this time. Make waffles for dinner. Take fruit to work and share it with everybody. Make up your own, there's a million of these. Give something away to a kid. Draw a picture. No more Freecell.
Ask more questions.
Eat an apple. Read. Eat another apple. Go for a walk. Turn off your tv.
America you already know what you like to drink. You know you don't need any more pills. I wouldn't ask for your money. I wouldn't take it. I would like you to have these thoughts in your living room, in your ears. They're yours. They're
. Fade to black.
I like it!
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Turn Off My TV
A Proposal to Coke and Pepsi
America stop pushing I know what I'm doing.
Let's get milk-faced and hum like rabbits
Deconstruction of every single television advertisement, ever
Reverse Darwinism on the Internet
Why Glow-In-The-Dark Stuff is Green
We are what we walk between.
standing off to the side of the lobby, watching the hostess adjust her hair
An anti-alcohol ad
Turn Off Your TV
It all turned out all right but there was so much pain along the way
Words that don't mean the same as they used to
Some stuff you physically can NOT do
taking down the advertising industry from the inside
This night is as thick as the morning fog, and
I would have liked thunder when she left
Taking a nap on the fireline
Pronunciation of the names of thoroughfares
Because: Context is not important. Because: My life is one long series of contexts.
The first radio commercial
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The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
I don't care what you've heard: It's hard to get laid in New York City
Rough Skinned Newt
May 19, 2013
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May 18, 2013
The shadows made her look a little treacherous.
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