After receiving another AOL CD
, this time in a keep case
, I've decided to write a letter to AOL in what I'm sure will be a vain attempt to get off of their mailing list. As soon as a figure out where to send it, I'll send it post-haste dispatch
. And hopefully, the AOL people will stop sending me stuff once every two weeks.
Dear Sir Or Madam,
For some time now, you fine people at America Online (AOL) have been engaged in a direct marketing campaign in an effort to add me, or the members of my household, to the millions who are already enjoying AOL. And while we are not, nor have we ever, been interested in the products and services offered by AOL, we nonetheless appreciate the fervishness and vigor with which you have targeted us, the potential customers.
Over the years, you have furnished us with a near endless supply of 3.5" floppy disks, which when reformatted, provided our family with a useful, if not size-limited, supply of storage media. Only through the generosity of AOL was our family able to go three years without buying a single floppy disk, and although the printed labels were quite a pain to scrape off, don't think we're ungrateful.
However, recent developments have distressed us, and we have no choice but to ask that you remove us from your mailing list. You see, at some point, AOL chose to start shipping CD-ROMs instead of floppy disks. While we couldn't format this new media, we found that when placed underneath a cold, frosty beverage, these discs prevented our non-Formica countertops from staining. Now, however, you have chosen to ship our weekly CD in a keep case. And while we continue to appreciate the beer coasters, we can't find anything to do with these large, plastic cocoons. We thought of using them to hold our CDs and DVDs, but then we realized that, well, they already come with their own cases. And I'm afraid that if we can't use them, they're just going to end up in a landfill, along with the keep cases from thousands of other Internet users who are forced to throw them away as we now do.
I would appreciate a swift and dutiful resolution to this matter. The simple solution may be to delete our name from your database, although if you can think of a suitable use for keep cases, that might work too. Again, thank you for your time... and your floppies and coasters.