In the course of human events, there are times when earthly justice is not sufficient. In such cases, a little low magic can effect at least psychological help, if nothing else. One of the simplest, and most elegantly effective revenge spells, is this one.

  1. Procure 1 deck of cards, nine envelopes, and nine stamps. All of these should be as anonymous as possible: the cards should be Bicycle, Bee, or some other widely-used deck, the envelopes, plain, from the craft store, the stamps, normal Forever First Class. A Bible is useful, but not necessary.
  2. On a Friday evening at 9:00PM, light two candles, black if possible, on a table spread with a black, red or white cloth.
  3. Separate out the Ace to Nine of Spades.
  4. Lay them in a stack by the light of the candles, then slowly fan them out, meditating on the wrong done. Reading Psalm 22 is optional, but recommended.
  5. Repeat "Let them know no rest." for each card, while stuffing, stamping, and addressing the envelopes, one by one. Keep the envelopes in order.
  6. When you have them all in a stack, say "What they have done, they have done. What I have done, I have done also."
  7. Blow out the candles, put the rest of the cards back in the box, and wrap the candles and box with the cloth.
  8. Let the bundle and the envelopes rest until Monday. Dispose of the bundle, preferably not in your household trash. (The Bible can remain, however.)
  9. Mail one envelope out a day in turn until they are finished.
  10. The elegance of this spell is that it only works on the guilty, who will wrack their brains trying to figure out why someone is sending them this weirdness. It's a countdown: to what? And...spades? Is this some kind of Mob thing? An ad campaign? Art? What? If they've never heard of the Nine, they'll lose sleep. If they know, they'll know that they have slipped up, and incurred someone's wrath, big time. Less incriminating than threatening letters, and far more emotionally satisfying.

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