Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Everything
2
Things we learn from movies
cooled by
discofever
(
idea
)
by
Pedro
Fri Jan 21 2000 at 19:22:30
All telephone numbers in
America
begin with the digits
555
.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St. Patrick's Day
parade
- at any time of the year.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of
French Bread
.
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.
During any police investigation, it is necessary to visit at least one strip club
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied,
lipstick
will never rub off - even while
scuba diving
.
The ventilation system of any building is the
perfect hiding place
. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to
reload your gun
, you will
always
have
more ammunition
- even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of
showing someone a picture of your sweetheart
back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a
German officer
, it will not be necessary to
speak the language
. A German accent will do.
The
Eiffel Tower
can be seen
from any window in Paris
.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading
alien society
.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just
slightly bluish
.
If you are
blonde and pretty
, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and
hard-working policemen
are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than
wasting bullets
, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses,
pulley systems
, deadly gasses, lasers and
man-eating sharks
, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
When
paying for a taxi
,
don't look at your wallet
as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens don't have
light switches
. When
entering
a
kitchen
at
night
, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
Mothers routinely cook
eggs
,
bacon
and
waffles
for their family every morning even though their
husband
and
children
never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always
burst into flames
.
The
Chief of Police
will always suspend his star detective - or give him
48 hours
to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
RFK Stadium
.
Medieval peasants
had perfect teeth.
Any person waking from a
nightmare
will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say
hello
or
good-bye
when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight
road
it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right
every few moments
.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red readouts
so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only
solve a case
once he has been suspended from duty.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts
- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No one involved in a
car chase
,
hijacking
,
explosion
,
volcanic eruption
or
alien invasion
will ever go into shock.
Police departments
give their officers
personality tests
to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to
speak English
to each other.
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Last updated 08.08.04
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