• All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
  • If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
  • All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
  • Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.
  • During any police investigation, it is necessary to visit at least one strip club
  • It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  • Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
  • The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
  • If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
  • You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  • Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
  • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
  • At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
  • Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
  • Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
  • When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
  • If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
  • Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
  • Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
  • A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  • When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  • Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
  • Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
  • Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
  • The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
  • A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
  • Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
  • Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
  • It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
  • Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
  • All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
  • It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
  • A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  • It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  • When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
  • No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
  • Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
  • When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
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Last updated 08.08.04

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