The FETZT quest
One fine day, someone who wanted an adventure woke up and told themself, ‘Instead of the adventure coming to me, I’m going to it!’ They girded up in the hardiest of all-weather clothing and walking apparel and strolled on out of home and hearth, heading towards the deep dark forest where it was said things happened. From the adventurer’s direction, at the entrance of the forest were two paths. One was straight through, with snowdrops in bloom along the way, and hard-packed earth beneath. The other, heading to the left, twisted and turned around trees into where no one could see, and nothing bloomed along the way, so choked with brambles the branch-strewn ground was.
'Instead of the easy way through the forest, where I will only encounter bunnies and tourists,’ the adventurer said, 'I’m taking this way, where I could encounter anything!' And so they did, quickly losing sight of the fields around the forest while kicking aside branches with sturdy boots and pushing aside brambles with thick gloved hands.
Soon there was a sound that was becoming murmurous, roaring. Peeking around a tree, the adventurer could see in a clearing a wide array of beasts, and curiously a ROOVIQ dancing quite fancily, with creatures nearby funkily following along, but even more oddly a HANPP, still feebly trying to also dance, and unfortunately not doing very well, so badly that it was being furiously and franticly beaten. The adventurer snuck around the clearing and headed down the path, feeling sorry for the HANPP, but knowing it didn't have a chance.
The noise died away, but a new noise arose: the annoying chirp of a LRBDWZTPQPV, not stopped by an GBL above demanding to be allowed to sleep. The adventurer rushed on, suspecting that for at least one of them, the day was not going to end well.
Down the path, a HRPH swooped down and caught up a WWWPFYX, who promptly bit a huge chunk out of his side. The WWWPFYX escaped, while the HRPH wheezed, 'Damn, my supper disagreed with me!'
Passing its corpse, the adventurer was reminded of the MASE who, hiding in a ZASE from hunters, decided to have a nibble, which prompted gave its hiding place away. 'Served it right, for trying to desecrate what was saving it', said the adventurer.
While wondering why they had made this terse remark, conveying some important truth, a ROVDI rushed by and dashed into a hole, and then a TZLM toppled the adventurer over and angrily paced back and forth in front of it.
More shocked than injured, the adventurer carried on, only to be surprised by a panting KOY zipping past. Further along, a HSGICVEXWW set down his load. The adventurer was justa bout to ask if there was a way off this busy path, when the HSGICVEXWW said, "Nope, I sure haven't seen her, not me! No how!' while waggling his eyebrows and shifting his eyes westward. "Here I am just doing a service, carrying timber from the woods to the lord's house, which, erm, isn't that way!' The adventurer thanked him and headed on.
Luckily, the twisting path now crossed the straight one, and the adventurer took it, striding along more easily. Feeling more confident that an adventure would happen soon, they stopped to by a WOTP bush next to an EEFRBYXZ, and filled some of the dew from it into a tear-bottle, found in a sad adventure in a Roman cemetery.
Walking with more vigour, a feeling of one instructed in the mysteries of a secret system came over the adventurer. Something seemed to connect the events they had seen, from dancing animals to... to even the broken branches of the TLJGI LWEF or the wide leaves of the QMY YRFP they passed. Were they all signs pointing to an adventure to come?
A RIMV AGRAO carrying a AEAQ approached slowly, and the adventure was just about to blurt a query when they realised she was talking to herself, saying 'and then at the party my prince will sweep me off my--' and at the sweeping movement the AEAQ fell, spilling all its RIMV. She knelt to cry over it as the adventurer hurried on...
...Only to nearly bump into a GAMO OFNGIE chasing after his wig, with his laughing companions close behind.
Finally the adventurer reached the edge of the woods, and entered a place baited with chaff to entice birds where a UASEVAIGF was slowly being strangled by QSOQES.
Looking away, the adventurer saw a town, and headed down towards it with glee, until realising that this was their own home town! They had turned themself around on the path and walked right back home, with nothing to show for it but the trials and turmoils, death and destruction of the denizens of the forests. The adventurer stopped at the well outside the village, exhausted by defeat, misdirection, and fruitless time-wasting. Why hadn't anything come of their endeavors? They sat on the edge and closed their eyes--only to be awakened hanging over the edge, looking right down into their own reflection deep deep down, while the shrill voice of the town's batty old woman said, "EZWFNORW WH MSJS DR PWGH MEKHTR SX HWEMJ CLN JSHT."
To solve this puzzle, you will need to visit 12 writeups, which have clues encoded above.
The key to the code for the first 11 writeups is hidden above.
These 11 writeups have a common theme, which will break the code for the clue in the last paragraph.
Once you have found them all, you will be notified of your success.