By far one of the best bars ever to exist within the limited confines of San Francisco.
In the past the Uptown was home to some of the best table and bathroom graffitti to be seen anywhere. However as the dot-com revolution progressed, the quality of the graffitti regressed. Some artifacts are still available though: when in the men's room pissing into the trough look to your immediate right for the "3 second cowboy". Look for improvements in coming months as the revolution sputters.
The jukebox, although unaltered in 5+ years, has grown on all the regulars. Any change now and there could be outbreaks of rash and/or hives. Look for a good mix of classic rock, alt-rock, soul, hip-hop and country. Keep in mind that none of the above was issued post Jan, 1 1995.
The Uptown has also nurtured/housed some of the best bartenders in the city: Clane(sp?), Julie, Jenny(sp?), Alison, and JP. There are more, but my memory slips.
I guess I should mention the drinks. They're good. But hey, if it's cold, and contains any alcohol, who's to complain?
Lastly there is the ambience and comfort of the Uptown. The booths are ideal, the couches soft, and the bar beautiful.
(I forgot the hookers, but they're all outside, does that count?)