necklace

ugh. so much room for so little to say. hello. /waves.
here's something i wrote long ago to "explain" who i am. it was posted on alt.teens.poetry.and.stuff. hello, lx.

depressed babble with line breaks

"hello.

my name is emmanuelle,
but my mild schizophrenia
second-christened me
'necklace'.

i have nothing, i have noone.

i have two feet and two
blue eyes that could shut
down any time without warning.

i have trendy messy hair of an undefined color,

a body that nearly matches the univers
al 2001 AD standards of beauty.

a computer, a keyboard and fingers
to type or drum on it.

half a brain, half a dream,

a frustrating habit of writing semi-poems
ish that lead nowhere except here,

and i am not even here.

actually i write beautiful modern
creative cerebral intricate non-girlie
poetry,

but the world is not ready
so i often get spat on or ignored.

men/guys/lesbians look at me
when i step into a subway
car and like to draw invisible
sexual patterns on my body
with their sweaty big big eyes.

i had a lover and a best friend,
two in one, but by playing too much
with him, i broke the lover and lost
the friend.

i drag my feet on the surface
of a small planet, located within
a restricted neat manufactured
suburbian reality-ish.

i broke a mirror seven years ago;
next year will be luckywhee.

i am a flat balloon
because they found it funny
to tickle me with a spike.

i am not scared of death
but i'm scared to live.

i am words on a screen
and so much more
and so much less.

i run my way through life
like a blind hamster in a yellow
plastic wheel.

i am lost between languages
and words and ideas and people
and between my hair and my toes.

ich weiss nicht woher,
ich weiss nicht wohin.

i have no clue where i'm going.

i have no friends, no fun,
nothing, and i'm pretty

sure you're not even reading."