user since
Fri Oct 18 2002 at 11:19:08 (20.6 years ago )
last seen
Fri Oct 18 2002 at 11:44:44 (20.6 years ago )
mission drive within everything
4:40 am. Cable Modem. Lets rephrase this last part 5 times.
Creativity. Spelling. Lies. Big, big lies.
L.C.C. and Kmart. Kmapart.
Oh, it's Saturday night and I ain't got nobody, I've got some money 'cause I just got paid... Oh how I wish I had someone to talk to... I'm in an awful way. I love typing in these boxes, it's like a custom stock ticker. Whatever I put in is what scrolls by. Whee! I'd better stop this now. Really. I should. Email me, I'm bored and lonely.
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4:21 Am PST. You know that I have no sleep, at the game I ate some hypermints along with 2 code red dews. I read the site first offa slashdot. Blew my mind. So here I am. It seems to be a game, but I just signed up. It's 4:22, why not. I just got blazing fast cable internet, It's been 28 hours and 23 minutes since I turned 18 years old. I don't want to work today. I need a new job fast, because my old job is somewhat like a sinking ship, but due to the Lovecraft I've been reading, I would liken it to something horrible, if my train of thought was not just destroyed by the thought of Counter-Strike and the fact that for some reason I seem to be stuck in a null space, where nothing really ever changes, not because it can't, but because I just don't seem to make enought "waves" to move any of the styrofoam beer cooler islands that are supporting me as I tread ever so slowly toward "adulthood". They say that I'm an adult. I can vote, but there is nothing to vote for. I can buy porn, but I had that already. I could start smoking, but I am poor, and I would rather not. Thought I think it might be fun to be smoking again. Well, fun in the sense that the mere action of lighting up and being "naughty" would be amusing, and it would give me some reason to do things, besides other people telling me to do them. I don't want to work tomorrow. Whenever I use hotmail or outlook express, XP opens MSN messenger. I hate that damn thing. I'm a purest, but I can never get the speed I need. Lead shoes stall my hotrod. No matter how fast I am going, the damn metal trees and unbreakable fence always causes me to flip over or something. Yellow Pete's is in Hoboken. I finally found it, right around the point where I stopped caring. My name on CS is Nyarlathotep. Like the Lovecraft story/character/whatever. I need a better job, a better car, a better money. I should be sleeping. I don't know what time I have to work today. Could be 3. Could be 5. I'll have to call them when I wake up. But if I wake up after 1, it will be too late. So my alarm is set for 10 and 11. Is that going to wake me? A scant 5 hours, if I could bring myself to sleep. Why am I typing still? I seem to have stopped blinking. I wonder if time would stop if I never looked at a clock again. Or would it be like that cat thing by Schrodenburger or whatever where it happens as long as someone is aware. So if I were to be the only living creature in existence (including all the stuff like germs and stuff. Say that I wouldn't die, because I would.) And I were to be in one of those sensory deprevation tanks, would time stop? I think that something would always give it away, like when I got hungry or something. I want to go in one of those tanks. It would be cool, I think. Maybe not. It's probably another one of those things that the media makes seem cooler than it really is. You know? Like uh... I can't think of something, but like the toys we always wanted for Christmas (or whatever) and when we got them, they sucked and we never played with them again. My problem was always that I would get something that was not exactly like the thing I was fixated on, and so I auto-shunned the thing I got, like a spoiled little punk. I feel bad about it now. Shit, I would love to have, it's funny I just typed "like ov", but you can't see it because I backspaced. I love that about computers. If I were to delete this whole thing, nobody but me would ever know that it existed. Well, maybe someone, but I would even forget after about 5 minutes. 5 minutes. 5 minutes.

I am good at CS, but I get killed whenever I play T. I'm thinking that it's because I used to always play the bots as a CT, so when I'm T I have this psychosomatic reaction that makes me doubt my skill. That, and I probably have some residual guilt or some shit over being a "terrorist", from back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore, but some day I sit and wish I was a kid again.

You know?