He said 'tentacle porn', so I stuck my dick in a toaster and went from there. Helen Mirren came in and started reading from a Clive Cussler novel, and by now I was having serious doubts about my abilities to emulate the octupi's performance. Besides my dick was getting real hot.
I flipped the lever on the toaster up, but that did not have the desired effect. I winced in pain and then realized the camera crew was still shooting. "Ooh baby," I said to the toaster with no real passion.
"Cut!" I heard the director say, "Print that and get me the squid for the next scene."
I smile. I like squids. It's times like these that I realize that being a tentacle porn star is A-OK.