Being a Recipe on the Frying of Crispy Salmon Croquettes, all On the Cheap for about Five Bucks, but Yet which Still Serves Impressive Helpings to Four, Or Thereabouts, and is Great With Beer.

Total prep time: 45 minutes.
Equipment: frying pan, tin opener, pot, water, stove, vegetable masher.

Ingredients (necessary, then recommended):
  1. To begin: heat oven & serving plates to 150 ° C, then make Mashed Potatoes to the tune of half a pot. Should you not know how this goes:
    • Boil a liter and half of water in a medium sized pot with a pinch of salt.
    • Grab six decent sized potatoes (no need to wash, just peel relatively clean), cut them in half, and throw them into the boiling water. Do not watch the boiling pot, go read the newspaper.
    • Go back in 15-20 min. Try to stick a fork all the way through each. If this works, that means they’re soft all the way through. Drain the water away (watch the steam).
    • Now some milk, maybe ½ cup, and some butter, 2tbl., should be added along with salt and pepper to taste. If you’re crazy, you can add some paprika or rosemary as well. Now mash! Mash! Add some more milk if they seem to dry, but don’t go overboard.
  2. Okay. Now open a can of salmon (213g), drain it and mash it into the potatoes. Now a tin of peas & carrots (10 oz), drain, but this time stir the veggies into the mixture. (Incidentally, you can lose the tinned vegetables entirely if you’d rather the scurvy, or serve them on the side).
  3. Next, in wide bowl, either get a cup or so or fine breadcrumbs, or flour, or finely crushed (like grains of sand) crackers or Corn Flakes.1 Take a bit of your potato stuff and make a cake about 3 inches wide and ½ inch thick. Then tip it into the crumbs, doing both sides. Then put it aside and do the rest of the mixture. When you’re almost done, heat some olive oil in a no-stick pan at medium heat.
  4. Finally, fry each battered patty until golden brown on each side, and when each round is done stick them in the lifestyle section of that newspaper you were reading eariler, or in some paper towel, to take the oil out, keep them hot in the oven at very low heat. When they’re all done, serve them up with ketchup, HP sauce or tartar sauce. Impress your pals. Make them go get more ale.

1Personally, I'd go with a half and half mix of the Corn Flakes and flour, but whatever you have on hand will work out fine. Now my grandmother also used to beat an egg or two and brush each patty lightly with the egg before it went into the pan. You can go to this advanced level if you feel compelled to truly awe your guests with your culinary ninja skills. A little finely chopped green onion also goes into the mix quite well.