So I had a good journaling streak going, and then I let fear stop me
from continuing. My daughter's teacher pulled me aside during the band
concert. He explained that my daughter had been the recipient of some
inappropriate emails, he didn't recognize the sender,
but my brother said that my step-brother creeped him out from the first
day that we met him.
I haven't wanted to face writing about this. When I sent the emails
to my mom, my step-brother lives with her, the response was
disappointing. She said it would be helpful to see my daughter's side of
the conversation, and asked me what my thoughts were. My mother gave my
daughter my step-brother's email address. In no way shape or form is
what he said or did appropriate, and that should be evident to anyone.
I'm hoping that tomorrow the principal will be able to talk to me
about the emails. I'm going to come up with a boundary plan, and it's
going to outline where my daughters may go, who they can be alone with,
and who they can email. Fortunately school monitors emails that the
children send, I'm profoundly grateful that my daughter's teacher caught
this before it went further, and I've had numerous friends who have
come out with advice, and offered to listen.
My daughters are not going to be going to my mother's house for a
while. My step-brother is no longer welcome in my home, and if my mother
would like to spend time with my girls, then I need to know where
they're going to be, other than at her home, how long they're going to
be there, who else will be there, and when they're going to be back.
My cousin's baby shower is coming up. My mother is hosting it, and
I'm not going. I can't go to my mother's house right now. I haven't felt
safe there since she remarried. I know my cousin will understand, and
the rest of my family will too. A friend of mine who saw the emails said
that my daughter is seeking attention from my step-brother. I'm going
to talk to her therapist about it, and I'm also going to talk to the
police.
During our family call, which was the five of my mother's children
along with my husband, my family discouraged me from going to the police
as they feel that no crime was committed, and the police aren't going
to do anything. Maybe they won't, but I want to talk to them about it
anyways. I made some new smoothies this past weekend. Two green, two
red, and I wanted an orange one, but I broke my blender carafe.
I'm still listening to my favorite Zen Garden music. I woke up early
this morning, and I felt good about the past few days in terms of the
progress I've made. The things I've written, the conversations I've had
with my friends. Tonight I told people on Twitter I was going to clean
up my followers. That sparked a huge interaction spree, it's my favorite
thing about that place, the constant stream of conversations about any
topic imaginable. We discussed healthcare pricing, bird watching, the
Midwest in the fall, baseball, why people get burned out at their jobs,
family, a guy I'm friends with said something that really made me angry.
In the past, I would have unfollowed him. Today I told him he made me
mad, but I kept following him because what he triggered was good.
It was good for me to go back, to read what I've written in the past
so I can identify themes in my life. Tonight someone shared a goal in my
journaling class. This is week eight, and I'm going to be a sad girl
when class ends. I met Nathan on Twitter, and the way my life has been
transformed since I met him is incredible. Tonight he shared the Out of
the Whirlwind site with us. I signed up, and I'm excited to see how
that goes.
After paying May's bills, I have $300 left. I need to get my oil
changed, and put gas in my car. I want to take the next journaling
class, and I want to order a smoothie recipe book that comes with a DVD
and sprouting bags. I also want to set aside money for savings. A friend
of mine shared some personal news about her health today. I really have
the best friends. People who support and encourage me. People who
celebrate my successes, and remind me that my failures are opportunities
for me to learn new things. The girls have been going to bed when they
feel like it. I've been letting them make more choices and allowing the
natural consequences of those teach them lessons instead of me lecturing
them.
I went back to school after my youngest was born, and I'm
contemplating going back again. I don't have the money for it, and I'm
nervous about the idea, but a funny thing happened after my boss told
the school that she was leaving which means that they would need a third
grade teacher. My kids asked if I was going to apply for the job. When I
told them I didn't have a teaching license, they told me to get one.
When I said that they didn't like hanging out with me, and I asked them
why other kids would want to hang out with me in a classroom if they
didn't want to.
I want to write more, but it's late, I'm tired, and I need to get to bed.
Take care,
jess