(Downvote this all you like, I just need to get it off my chest)
I decided today to break up with my girlfriend...
Yesterday she came up on the train to see me for a night out on the town. She had arrived back earlier that day from a skiing holiday, and, even though she was very tired after the 16 hour coach journey, was still happy to spend a night out with me.
It's funny, I always thought I was quite good at concealing my emotions. But the first thing she said to me as she got in the car (aside from the usual "hiya", "how have you been?") was, "We're still ok aren't we?". She looked right into my eyes and I nodded, taken aback. She asked me again, and this time I managed to squeeze out a "yes of course", nodding furiously, and looking away before she could trap me with her eyes.
I had been thinking about our relationship the whole time she had been away. We've only been seeing each other for 3 months, I thought... she won't take it too badly, etc. etc. Last night made me realise that this is going to be so much harder than I thought for both of us. I know in the long run it is better than stretching things out until they snap, but on the other hand I always seem to find an excuse for not communicating my feelings to her. Last night it was because she was so happy and so emotional but also so exhausted.
I see her again on Tuesday, I'm already dreading how things are going to go. Will I chicken out again? By some horrible coincidence I stumbled upon ansate's writeup on Why are all my ex-girlfriends crazy? and it leaves me with even more worries. I know I have to say all this to her in person, but at the same time I will have to text her or chat on MSN tonight and tomorrow - is it not just as bad to pretend everything is ok on those media before springing it upon her face to face?