we are, i've been told, made up of the bits and pieces of all who ever touched our lives. there are people who leave you, causing you to breathe a sigh of relief, wondering why your paths ever had to cross. and then, there are people who leave you and you breathe a shuddering sigh of remorse, wondering why they had to go and leave such a gaping hole. these are the people who stride toward your person, tread lightly through your heart and tiptoe through your soul, touching your life with love and carelessness and then moving on.

and so, i was here wednesday, with the gaping hole you left

with a pain in my throat, the coppery taste of blood in my mouth

and tears in my eyes despite the brutality i've done my lip.

and i missed you.
so, i sent an email.
and went to bed begging for sleep to take me.

'so i'm left...
wondering how
someone i care about
is doing.
is he well
or sad
or deliriously happy
does he miss me
as i miss him?
just a note would be enough--
enough to let me know that you breathe still'

and the response

'he is deliriously apathetic
doing well
doing better
he breathes sometimes
though sometimes he doesn't

he misses you'

tonight i am weeping rubescent tears...

tonight i am waiting for rain...