Terry Bradshaw has struck a new low, and that's saying something. Sure, I know the guy was a hell of a quarterback. Even if he did throw the ball funny, he led the Steelers to four super bowl victories during the height of their popularity. Lately though, he's been nothing but a hambone.
For the last several years he's been doing football commentary with Howie Long, James Brown and Chris Collinsworth for Fox Sports. His commentary and analysis are always spot on. He clearly knows the game, the teams, and the players. Every thing he says though is speckled with the inane and the goofy. The guy’s a walking caricature of himself.
As if unsatisfied with keeping his "Golly Shucks" sense of humor to the game booth, or perhaps in a search to diversify his income before any one realizes he's a liability, Terry began expanding his resume not too long ago. He's done some recent television guest spots that weren't too bad, but the worst by far, are his series of commercials for 10-10-220.
10-10-220 is some sort of long distance service that offers twenty minutes of long distance phone calls, anywhere, for just a buck. I won't get too much into the details about how this service can screw you. Suffice it to say that no matter where you call, or for how long, you always pay a dollar for the first minute. Even if you get an answering machine, you're cut off, or you hang up. One dollar minimum, every time.
The commercials are terribly annoying and frequently spotlight such fine actors as Toby Keith, Doug Flutie and Mike Piazza. The star of the show is always Terry though, applying his Tom Cullen acting abilities to every scene, "m-o-o-n, that spells long distance!"
The spots are very close to reaching pop culture status. They've been parodied by the likes of Jack in the Box who featured a similar commercial for one of their nutritious sandwiches, featuring Brian Boitano and "LT" Lawerence Taylor fighting over who was the biggest loser. Hats off to Jack, really.
You'd think Terry had reached his bottom when, in a fit of ironically international patriotism, he goaded Sir Paul McCartney into an off key duet of Hard Days Night that probably put every canine in auditory range into seizures. The worst was yet to come though, and I nearly choked on my Quaker Oats this morning when I saw the demi-god of 80's television going mano a mano with Terry. Terry was forced to trade quibbles with Alf after the furry little alien attempted to eat his publicly displayed dollar in lieu of a cat. Terry explained the true value of a dollar to Gordo and they all lived happily ever after.
Except me. I shake and sweat. I hide in the broom closet and nervously bite my nails. I fear an Alf reunion with Terry filling the shoes of Willie.
Or, am I reading to much into this?