user since
Sat Apr 2 2005 at 23:34:43 (13.5 years ago )
last seen
Tue Feb 7 2006 at 20:49:06 (12.6 years ago )
level / experience
1 (Initiate)
mission drive within everything
I just want to know that I have lived well.
Duquesne University
Hating people requires too much energy.
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Sometimes I can sound really together and in order, but the truth is that I have no idea what is going on around me. I base what I do on my skewed perspective of what other people are doing while I just hope for the best. I'm a nail biter and I get obsessed over things I like. I'm in a college that's too expensive for me, and I'm probably going to fail out if I don't drop out first. The only things keeping me here are my friends and my belongings. I brought too much and the idea of moving it all now frightens me. Even if I end up not going to school here anymore, I want to be with my friends as often as I can. I'm sort of addicted to social contact now. I was a loner when I was younger, so I don't know when this happened.

I've been depressed lately because I fell in love with someone.. it seemed as though he and I would become a couple, but he is now going out with one of my best friends. She thinks I want to kill her. I don't. I am glad for them - they seem happy. But it still depresses me. It hurts to see them together. It hurts that when I'm around him, I can no longer kiss him or hug him or lean on him. I used to be able to do all of these.. but not anymore.

I'll write more in my bio if I feel like it later.