Born somewhere in northern England in 1536 A.D., grew to the ripe old age of 47 in 1565 A.D. Served in the Swiss Navy from 1620-1624 A.D. as a surface-to-air missile site operator. Promoted to Vice Admiral in 1626 A.D. Invented both the hamster and the Swiss Navy Machette around 1630 A.D. Almost reached absolute power twice. Once in 1855, and the second time was in 1902.
Currently resides in his mansion just to the west of Berlin, Germany. Please do not go there. Anyone attempting to approach the mansion will be tarred and feathered.